My Projects

I've been having trouble posting from work but I switched to Chrome and voila! I can post again! Took me long enough eh? Geesh. Please ignore some of the spelling mistakes. I'm trying to do this on the sly at work......so I am hurrying a bit........ So now it's time to share some of the crafty things I've been up too. Prepare to be dazzled (no, not bedazzled...)! First up......are some fun Mason Jars. My Mason jar obsession started when I got the idea to create the center pieces for my dad's 80th birthday party. It was alot of work but man was it fun (both the party and making the jars! I've gotten lots of requests to make more and I have fun doing them! I scout the goodwill and junk stores for old jars everytime I go!

Do you not love the Pointer picture just visable to the left here?

Aren't they cute? I made 17 of them for the party!!! I even did a few with flags to commemerate his time in the service! I didn't get those uploaded though! I put those in a blue wire basket. They turned out pretty dang cute! Kept those and now they have Christmas lights and I plug them in at night and it's pretty cute in the dark! Next up is a table I painted with a cream chalk paint and distressed. I think it's an old telephone table. I found it at a thrift store for $14!! The minute I saw it, I just had to have it!!! Here's the before:

And now the after:

I think it turned out pretty dang cute too! It does have some spots where it should have been sanded but overalll for my first furniture effort I love it. Right now I have it by my loveseat and it has a very cute red plaid Christmas owl and some Christmas decor on it! Next up is a Snowman serving tray. He's kind of a spooky looking fellow if I do say so myself. I thought he could use an antique look......

Is it just me or is he on the creepy side??? So I gave him a coat of red chalk paint then a few coats of green and then distressed him. While I think he still maintained a bit of the creep factor, he does look more antique now....

Now onto my past (and present) love of France........I tried my hand at creating a homemade cloche. I found this clock at Goodwill.

It was a mere $2.99. Don't fret the base was plastic and it didn't work anyhow. I took it apart and used the glass top for the cloche. I put a green plate for the bottom. You can use almost anything for the bottom including the base of the clock....

Add some fake snow and the Eiffel Tower and there it is!!!! I love this!!! I can re-use this for any holiday or for everyday!! Next up is a plant stand. Another foray into furniture. Again this is the creamy chalk paint. Here is the before, which was a dark cherry wood. I got this for $3 at Goodwill...

And the After:

Again......I think it turned out pretty good!!! Last but not least........A button snowman!!! I have this at work!!!

Thank you for sticking with me and this long post!! I did post these on Facebook and apparently a few of my friends felt pressured to "like" them. So I came here to post instead. No pressure people (not that anyone really checks in here anymore). I have been toying with the idea of starting my own business and selling this stuff. It's a big deal for me......putting myself out there...some people will not like it...there will be critics. I am sensitive to critism. But I love doing this....it makes my heart beat a little faster. So we'll see.

Are you there God, It's me Margaret.....38 Years Later....

Me and the other 30 million other girls who were praying for our periods back in 1975.......we get it.....we got it....now we're done with it!!!!

Menopause already!!!!  I pretty sure I prayed way harder for the lottery...........where is that???

Lessons Learned at the Nail Spa

I never had my nails done up before, other than an occasional manicure.  But I've never took the dive into the fake nails etc. I typically have pretty good nails, it's just that I chew them... to the nubs....ugh.

But when my parent's 50th anniversary was bearing down on me, I hated my chewed off stumps.  Of course I knew it was coming months in advance, but I couldn't stop chewing.  Don't judge....I could take up alcohol....

So I got the gel tips with shellac polish and I fell in love. My nails looked fab!  I was hooked...I've been going ever since.

Last night whilst I was being filed and glued (I'd say nailed but that pun is too obvious) an older lady came to sit by me...she was next. I say older which is relative when you're considered old too, she was probably in her mid to late 60's which qualifies me as YOUNGER...ahem.....she was nice she was waiting her turn.  The gal doing my nails was going to do hers next. She asked if she wanted the same color as usual, which she replied yes the usual.  So being naturally   a nosey bitch  a bit curious I glanced over at her hands  Her usual color was a very, very pale pink.  Ok...that's cool. 

She then, being a nosey old broad a bit curious, she glanced over at my nails. I had opted for the money green, magnetic polish.  The pattern is really cool and it caught her eye.  She asked me about the design and I put my hand out to show her and she loved it.   She was ooing and awwwing. So when manicure gal came back from fetching my hot towel, I told her I think I have her sold on the magnetic color! And they both reared back and looked at me like I had just farted and said ooohhh nooo she'd/I'd never do that!!!!  GASP!!!!  Oh the horror of color!

I kind of laughed and moved on and paid.  But I got to thinking (and yes I was driving at the same time so let that be a warning to you) how sad.  Let go a little, live!!!  Color outside the lines, wear purple and put money green magnetic polish on your nails - WTH???  You only live once and it's removeable so not like you're going to the grave with it!!!  Have fun, be the center of attention (without dancing on the table tops, drunk and flashing your muffin top to God and everybody) enjoy - dance like nobody is watching (just not on the table, see above?) !!!

I for one will be going to my grave with the flashiest nails I can find!!!  and bury me in some hooker heels and a short skirt!  Give me big 80's hairdo to match!

And I did not realize the implications of this meeting and the deep thoughts I had whilst (I am loving whilst today) driving....until the next day which I will post more on later.

Bug Mania

What is it with bugs lately?  Geesh.  I can't say that I've seen a bunch around my house (lately) but they're making the news and starring in award winning blogs. Just check out my friend over there on the right... Wait in the Van. I didn't link to her, she has some serious Ju Ju going on there.........

I caught a headline on the old hometown newspaper today (well I stop by every day to check the obits!).  Apparently Brown Recluse spiders are mating like mad bastards here in this state and you best beware.  Check your shoes folks! And for you hoarder types, who have clothes laying all around on the floor, (is my daugther reading this?  Moms you could get your kids to pick up their clothes after reading this post) you best be shakin' them out before you put them on!!!  UGH!

"The bite frequently is not felt initially and may not be immediately painful, but it can be serious. The brown recluse bears a potentially deadly hemotoxic venom. Most bites are minor with no necrosis. However, a small number of brown recluse bites do produce severe dermonecrotic lesions (i.e. necrosis); an even smaller number produce severe cutaneous (skin) or viscerocutaneous (systemic) symptoms. In one study of clinically-diagnosed brown recluse bites, skin necrosis occurred 37% of the time, while systemic illness occurred 14% of the time.^[15] In these cases, the bites produced a range of symptoms common to many members of the Loxosceles genus known as loxoscelism, which may be cutaneous and viscerocutaneous. In very rare cases, bites can even cause hemolysis—the bursting of red blood cells.^[16]"

So apparently you won't notice you've been bitten until your flesh is hanging off your body in warm, smelly, blackened hunks. Nice.

Load up on Raid and don't say I didn't warn ya..................and I won't be sleeping well tonight after this article and reading Wait in the Van....

Much too Young to Feel this Damn Old!

Time to face the truth.  I'm officially old.  Over the Hill.  Welcome to AARP.

Had the ole annual pap and torture... pelvic exam.. Good times.  I felt sorry for the doc, after all, we're just coming out of winter.....who has time to shave right?  Meh.

She did tell me one more year of birth control and then I'm done! Done I tell you! 

WOW! Done.  No more pregnancy worries, no more periods, no more teacher's dirty looks...errrr....I mean come on.  I know I won't miss those things, but dang it has smacked me right upside my head! I'm old!  I'm having hot flashes, most days focusing is a lost cause...and bitchy? Holy mother of the baby Jesus....I'm bitchy.  And I'm not going to even mention how far south my boobs and butt have gone, but let's just say they're whistlin' Dixie!!!!

I'm not ready to be old.  I can't believe that I'm old. No more young, pretty hair, no glowing skin, just crow's feet and grey.  No more turning heads (except when I'm sweating profusely in the checkout line and screaming "Pay for it already dammit!").  I'm trading in wild nights and parties for aches and pains and afternoon naps - trading skin tight skirts and stripper heels for Red hats and senior discounts at Denny's.  I will buy sensible shoes.  What was the 800 number for the walk in tubs?

Yup I'm not quite ready yet.  I don't want to face it, not yet anyhow.  Even if my ass is a saggin' and baggin'. I may have to go into this kicking and screaming.....

Crazy Pet Parents

You're out shopping at the mall and suddenly..BAM!  You run into your old high school nemesis.  You smile, run your fingers through your hair while she tells you how long it's been and you look great. Then she starts in with her kids. Of course they're perfect......she's a crazy "My Kids Are Fab-U-Lous" parent.  The oldest won his mock trials at law school, the middle one is interning for Obama (and you think Geezus I wouldn't brag about that...) and the youngest just won her fourth pagent.  Now she waits for you to brag on yours - sort of boring into your skull.  Your jaw drops and the left side of your face looks like Bell's Palsy as you try to come with something your kids have done that can top all that.... "Ummmm my oldest just lettered in high school (yeah he just got his second DUI and MIP) and the youngest was just voted "Most Likely To" (oh and she did, she's knocked up by the 35 yr old clerk at the 7-11, who still lives with his mom, but hey he's gonna make Assistant Manager by Christmas!)."  You nod a few more times, pull the left side of your face into a fake smile, tell her oh yes, let's do lunch soon and walk away thinking "Geezus she's still a bitch, 30 lbs heavier and no f*cking way are her kids that perfect!"  Mumble, mumble, mumble.....

Now crazy pet parents are just as bad.  I wasn't one for a long time. Oh I had a few cats in my day...one I loved, old Henry.  He weighed 26lbs and was a lover.  Dumb ass ate 2 ft of cord one day and had to be put to sleep.  So my pet braggin rights didn't present themselves often....until I got dogs. Welcome to Crazy Dog Lady Land.......oh I dress up the little one and put antlers on the big, dumb one and talk baby talk to them.  I will whip out my smart phone and show people in line at the grocery store how d@mn cute they are (while they flash me the Bell's Palsy smile). One day, while out running errands, my co-pilot on my lap (the little one in case you couldn't guess) I stopped at a light and looked over...Lo and Behold! It was another adorable little white dog! OMG!  We made the dogs wave at each other while we mouthed "OMF*CKINGGODHOW CUTEISTHISLOOKIT'SANOTHERLITTELWHITEDOGOMG"  Then we made them sing California Gurls and rap with Snoop until the light turned green again.  Yes I totally did this. And in my defense, so did the woman and her teenage daughter in the other car.

Yesterday I was gettin' my hair did and I really love my stylist (sounds so important huh - that's hows I roll).  "Cee" I'll call her (no it's not Cee lo Green, but if I was bff's with Cee lo, I'd totally call him Cee and we'd ride around in a pimped up '67 chevy, riddin' dirty, singing I'm sorry I can't afford a Ferrari", drinkin' gin and juice 7-up...but I digress. I can't decide if I have one wicked imagination or I'm bi-polar - you pick) to protect her identity is a dog mommy. She has no 2 legged kids, just the 4 legged kind (both boxers).  She dresses them up in costumes (they had giant afros this year) and even has matching raincoats with boots, so their paws don't get wet. When she gives them a bath, she puts the towels in the dryer for 20 mins so they have toasty warm towels to dry off with. Hell my poor kid barely gets a clean one most days, let alone heated.   So while she was covering the gray.... applying beautiful highlights, she tells me with a straight face............her husband loaded the dogs up in the car the other night and drove them around to look at Christmas lights......

I think I've been trumped......

Then and Now

I was chatting with an old friend from grade school (yeah we go back that far) and realized that the situation at work is becoming alot like Jr High.  Full of drama, bullying and general angst.  I've been trying to figure out how to conquer this drama queen.......and come out on top. 

Then and Now a comparison...

Then:  I had acne.  Now:  I have Rosacea.
Then:  I didn't need a bra. The smallest at 32A was too big.  Now: Oh I need a bra alright.  If just to keep from zipping a nip in my jeans
Then:  Are you there God, it's Me Margaret.  Now:  Are you there God, please make it stop!
Then:  David Cassidy made me all warm and tingly  Now:  I just have hot flashes
Then:  I would never dream of french kissing a boy  Now:  The things I'd do to Patrick Dempsey would make a sailor blush
Then:  I was atheletic and into every sport   Now: getting out of bed most mornings feels like the olympics
Then: I could eat a Big Mac, Large Fries, Large Coke and a cherry pie every day for lunch and remain under 98 lbs  Now:  I drive past McDonalds and pick up 5 lbs....
Then:  I wore all the wrong clothes  Now:  Most days I still wear the wrong clothes but once in a while I get it right!
Then:  I was bullied and never fit in.  Now:  I feel like I'm being bullied and still don't fit in.

I guess the big difference is that I can recognize the bully.  But the feelings of being bullied are still there and I'm shutting down.  I'm damn good at my job and no matter how hard the bully tries, she won't beat me at that. However, it's the digs at my clothes or what I eat or even the fake nails I got, that are killing me.   I do know that she is threatened by me as far as work goes.  She sucks at the job and she believes it's beneath her to even do it.  So is she lashing out in attempts to feel better about herself?  Trying to look better by making me look bad? That never works in the long run right?  It may not work in the long run, but in the short run, it's starting to wear me down.  I don't want drama, I have plenty at home.  I just want to go to work, do my job, get my check and go home.

OK...some days I want to be one of the cool kids. I want friends at work, I want to be popular and sought out!!!  The experts say don't give up your power......but how the hell do you do that?  That I was never good at....I give it away free.......sometimes even to the pimply faced teenager at Gas N Shop. Seriously.......how do you do it?

God it feels like Jr High...........and the hell that goes with it!

Seriously

These are things that have made me go Seriously?  for the past week.

I get up in the morning 30 mins before Prince Charming (aka DH).  So once I'm done in the shower, I have to shut off all the lights in the bathroom, open the door to the dark bedroom, tiptoe carefully (to avoid stepping on dogs or in dog puke or worse) to my dresser and open my underwear drawer. It never fails, every morning, the first pair I pull out are my old maternity (ginormous) whitey's (the kid is almost 12 now, so why are they still in my drawer - seriously).  I mean from month 8.5 with a 10lb baby.  Needless to say, they fall right off after I try to hike them up  (and not fall over from balancing on one leg, in the dark - mustn't wake sleeping beauty during his extra 30 mins). The second pair is always the old holy rollers.  Actually "holey" is more like it....cause they're barely being held together by a thin thread of elastic.  In the dark I can't even tell which holes my legs go into.  Pair number three is ultimately the sexy thong. You know the one I only wear on DH's birthday.  Sorry folks I'm almost 50, thongs don't do it for me at work. No one wants to watch me squirm in my chair all day, picking at my crack......Finally, the last pair is the one! Hey they're not granny panties...I'll have you know they're hi-cut briefs!  Seriously...

For the past three mornings, I have had to kill what I can only describe as huge hairy ass spiders. The kind that make a shadow on the wall as they walk by. Even the big dog won't go near them.  I know it's Halloween but I'm not running a haunted house here, a dirty house maybe but not haunted. I thought this morning I was safe...but nope I get up from my computer and there it is, Giant, Hairy, Gross Spider on the stairs.....So I get to go grab a shoe and crunch the sucker, if he doesn't leap for my juglar vein or eat the little dog first.......Seriously!

Had to hit the grocery store last night.  We were out of the oddest items and I realized that going in, but I had DH in the car, waiting on me, so I had no time for shame.  I came in the door by the pharmacy and spotted my beloved Immodium AD.  It's been off the market for a few months now, due to a shortage. I've been taking the generic crap, which means twice the pills.  Let me sum this up by saying I have IBS and horrible cramping all the time (doubled over, doing lamaze breathing cramps for no apparent reason other than my bowel is irritated - seriously). Immodium AD is my wonder drug.  I almost danced in the aisle when I saw it!!!  Then I got sugar free jello (hello Atkins dieter here), some chocolate chip muffins (for the boy) and a Lunchable.  So Mr Fifteen Year Old Know It All With The Talking Zit On Your Forehead at the checkout counter........did I need your comments on my items?  No I do not have the flu and what's it to you?  If you'd like a full-on 45 minute discussion on IBS and Atkins, I could oblige, if DH wasn't impatiently  patiently waiting in the car.....Seriously.......that was a buzzkill on my Immodium AD treasure hunt.........only wish I needed tampons to go with it all...........

On Sunday (before the grocery store trip see item 3 above) we needed dinner.  Hell to the no I wasn't cooking and it's hard to make dinner from a single serve Mac N Cheese bowl, a can of mushrooms and some dry meatloaf mix.  I was watching a self induced Sex and The City marathon and do you have any idea how many times they eat chinese in that series??? So I suggested Panda Express to hubby.  We really don't have much for good chinese out by where I live.  You typically take your chances with any of them. Plus I needed a drive thru, as I hadn't done anything with my rat's nest hair in 2 days. So hubby gets Orange Chicken, I get a 2 entree deal and the boy loves chow mein.  I drive all the way up there, with the dogs mind you as I can't leave the house without the dogs, and get home only to find they didn't give hubby the entree, but the side order. He had 4 pieces of chicken in a tiny box!  Of course it was my fault apparently.......which I guess I should have double checked, but it's hard when you have a little white dog head buried in the bag......Seriously..........

Because You Care

I got the infamous collage frame hung up.  All by myself....ok hubby helped me hang the "template" but I did the rest!  He deserves very little credit, considering all the bitching he did.....

I asked him how it looked and he said he didn't recognize anyone in the photos!!!  ROTFL....well they are all better looking than us and they are having way more fun than we ever did!!!

Making Moutains out of Mole Bites

We come home the other night (I know you're all in shock that we were out) and I let our 4 footed friends outside and the big one runs right over to the window well.  Typically that is the doggie signal for "There's a toad down there and I really want to get it but I'm too fat to bend over"  So I go over and peer into the well and lo and behold, tis not a toad but a mole.  And it's stuck in between the screen and the window.

Obviously this is a job for the man of the house.  Not that I couldn't bring myself to fish it out but hey that's one of the reasons I got married.....to fish moles out of window wells and put gas in my car! So I summoned hubby to the backyard and showed him the situation (Not The Situation, our situation) and he realizes, albeit slowly, that he has to get the thing out. He would leave it, but the thought of it dying and rotting in there all winter skeeved him out more than grabbing the damn thing and throwing it in the garbage. 

He goes into the house and grabs a plastic bag.  Now typically when we have "vistors" in the window wells, he dons full combat gear, head to toe (in case toads spit or baby bunnies attack) but tonight he didn't.  I had premonition this wasn't going to end well.......

I was out front doing ladylike things (watering the weeds... english garden) and he comes around the corner, bleeding.  The mole bit him!  I'm psychic!

The first words out of his mouth? "OMG! Should I go the emergency room?"  I'm all for ER trips, when you have a REAL emergency, not sure about a mole bite.  He had the mole in the bag, apparently the little bugger bit him through the bag (it was not a hefty bag, shoulda used the hefty honey).  He prompty slams the mole into the driveway, thus ending his revenge and runs into the house to scrub vigorously.

I immediately ran to my computer to put it all on Facebook (as you do in emergencies...am I right?).  He comes back to me, all sterile, for me to look at it.  I can barely see broken skin. He's still wanting to go the emergency room at this point.  He's sure he has rabies now. 

I try to calm him down (so I stop laughing hysterically and posting more comments on FB) and tell him to google moles and see if they even carry rabies.  He has car keys in his hand, in case he needs to make a mad dash for the hospital, but decides to call his doctor first.

I'm pretty sure the doctor on call, on a Saturday night at 7:30pm, was beyond thrilled to get this call.  Turns out moles don't typically carry rabies and the worst he could get is mild infection.

So hubby lubes up with 3 tubes of neosporin and a container of band-aids.  We keep the last tube of neosporin close by, in case we break out in sudden infection..........

My friends on FB told me to put foamy toothpaste around his mouth after he fell asleep.  I did think about it, but the panic and subsequent ER and mental health professional bills I would incur after pulling a prank like this, deterred me. I did chuckle off  and on throughout the rest of the evening. And threw out little tid bits like... "Do you think we have Ebola in the US?" and "Honey bubonic plaque has been erradicated, right?"  Cause I'm loving like that...........

Oh and the mole? It's our freezer....just in case.........

The Whole Fam Damily

We had almost everyone at the house yesterday. My youngest brother and his wife didn't make it for dinner, as her daughter was in town from Texas, so they wanted dinner with them more than us. Whatevs! Coming to one of my brillant candle light suppers or seeing your kid.....it's a tosser.

We did family pictures for my parent's 50th anniversary.  The actual anniversary is Nov 18th and the party is the 20th but we had to do pics now.  You see, my brothers and dad hunt, and well hunting trumps everything....including The Donald or giving birth or dying (do not dare to die or get married during hunting season - plan accordingly).  Next week is opening season of something.....so this weekend was it.

We went to a gorgeous park and I think we got some good shots. A good friend of mine did the photography and she didn't even charge us! She's building her portfolio (she said next year we won't be able to afford her....LOL).  The boy was being a bit of a pain and melted down about half way thru. And frankly at 83 degrees and very little wind, I was melting too.  I'm excited to see them, prolly take a week.  Yes if her photographs aren't highly secure, I will post a few. Or check facebook.  If you know me and we're friends that is! If you're just a creepy stalker....then forgetaboutit.

Oh and we have cake.  It was also my brother's anniversary.  So if you want some chocolate cake with buttercream frosting, stop on by.  I think I got enough to feed the eastern seaboard.....but they're busy with weather.

I see summer winding down

and I hate it.  I abso-friggin-lutely love summer. And I abso-friggin-lutely HATE winter.  Hate is a strong word and it fits.

Oh sure it was hot this year. Way hot.  Crazy hot.  If I was rich enough to have my very own pool (besides the plastic Walmart one I do possess, oh you're jealous-you know it) I wouldn't have even minded that.  I love the sunshine and the flowers and all the things to do and see. I love vacations and pools and fruity umbrella drinks. I love tank tops and shorty shorts and flip flops.  I like that you can run out at 9pm and still have daylight.Corn on the cob, steaks on the grill, dining al fresco.......

I am hanging on with a white knuckled death grip to summer.  But no matter how hard I try, I will not stop winter.  Unless I move...........which is a good thought!

Middle school, dreams and shots

Shots.  I knew you'd read that first.  Oh I wish shots of tequila.........but alas.....it was a shot in the foot.  And not with a glock, a long, shiny needle...in my heel.  Read previous post. My foot feels better but that shot was not pleasant.  Forget waterboarding......give terrorists sharp, shiny needles in their foot!!!

Middle school. The boy starts middle school today. Shiver.  He use to ride the daycare van to school and back and this year I'm taking him.  So he has to figure out how to get out of the car.  Doesn't sound so tricky, but he's locked in with child locks, as he has a habit of winging the door open at inopportune times (like going 75 down the interstate or turning a corner).  So he's riding up front and I figure at the very least I can shove him out the door. We have to do this with a minimum of temper tantrums and defiance and a line 10 miles long (consisting of soccer moms and "normal" kids) behind us, blaring their horns as he tries to make a good decision about getting out of the car (while mommy shoves gently nudges him out into the world of middle school.  I am dreading this.  You remember middle school right?  Are you still scarred? God knows I am.  And we weren't "one of those kids" either and the bullying and hormones and the zits were pure torture.....I fear for my innocent child.

Now for the dreams. My dear friend, Sarah, has been home shopping.  Not on HSN but real house hunting.  I've been working surfing the real estate listings, looking at the houses and stuff and she sends me MLS numbers and I look at those. I also looked at houses in Richmond, Charlotte and Greensboro, cause those are my secret dream places to live (and I had time to kill, dreaming).  So I have house hunting on the brain. Last night as I drifted off into slumberland...I dreamt of houses, lots of houses, looking at houses.  The houses were bazaar to say the least, out of porportion, as you do when you dream. But the funny thing was, all the houses had a "drop-in."  What's a drop-in you ask (I can read your mind)?  Apparently it's a bathroom, that only has a sink in it!  So does that make it a 1/4 bath instead of a 1/2 bath?  But the realtors showing us the houses were all excited about the drop ins....."this family room has a drop-in" blah blah.  Then I woke up.  I honestly think the steroids went to my head..either that or I've stumbled upon on the next great architectural design of our times.  Not sure which.

Getting old sucks.

I'm off to the foot doctor today. Yes I'm officially old enough to need a foot doctor. 

No not bunions or corns.  Plantar fasciatis. Or however you spell it, google I'm too tired and lazy (too damn old) to do it for you.  I am limping around like a 50 yr old...oh wait.....

Running..

No, don't call the paramedics, I'm not taking up jogging anytime soon.  I wanted to talk about different kind of running.

The kind where you let yourself wallow in denial.  The kind where you pretend you haven't a care in the world. The kind where you buy yourself a $50,000 ring, because you can.  Even though you ask people for money...oh it goes to charity, but you do ask......

Yeah.  A friend of a friend has a child with MD.  He is five. A cute little boy in which the disease is ravaging his tiny body.  You know he won't be on the earthly plane as long as some of us or as long as he should be.  His mom makes a shit ton of money and dad stays home.  The kids are dad's world.  Mom has been a pretty good mom but apparently something has snapped and she has taken up running.  Not the kind that requires new tennis shoes (we all know she could buy the best too, several pairs!). The kind where you jet set all over the world, you're never home and when you are home, you spend all your time on your smart phone, doing dumb things, like Facebook. Oh and buying yourself expensive toys.  The kind where you ignore your dear friends and start partying with newer, more exciting friends. You rent them stretch limos and buy backstage tickets for 22 people.......so you don't have to be alone with your thoughts.  The horrible, evil thoughts that creep in when you're not partying and playing "life of the party" party gal.

You do this so you can ignore what's going on at home (two other children, a loving father and a little boy who is wasting away before your eyes).  You do this because you make a shit ton of money and you can throw it around and make everyone believe your life is perfect. 

But it's not and that's why you run. 

OK so the birthday wasn't so bad.

I had lunch with two of my fav BFF's.  I even ate a.......GASP.....dinner roll (and it was heaven). Although I launched an artichoke onto my bff and then the floor....long story but it's good to know I'm talented.

I got a rather large birthday cookie from my contracting company (it's the only time they come through let me tell you, although a pay raise would be nicer than a cookie and I wouldn't have to share with my co-workers) and some birthday wishes from the co-prisoners er workers and some guesses on how old I am.  I took the mid 30's and ran with it.........ROTFL.

Took the boy for his haircut. It was only a minor exorcism this time, no pea soup. 

Then of course Hu Hot with the girl and the boy.  And over to see the new puppies of the oldest boy and the girl.  They are cute but tons of work.  The cat is not impressed and sat in the back hallway, wishing us all an untimely and painful death, I could read it in his yellow eyes (might need another exorcism stat).

Got sniffed up and down by my two dogs when I got home, as I smelled of new puppies and a cat. (Who would pass up a wet dog nose stuck in your crotch?????  Apparently the big dog thought I hid these new puppies up in my errrr.......hu hah....like that's a good place to store puppies right?) And got some sweet cards from the boy and the hubby. 

I got over 103 birthday wishes on Facebook.  I feel part of the in crowd now.  I have friends!

So it wasn't a horrible birthday......I have to admit.

Something Wicked This Way Comes

We are interrupting this blog to bring you an important post.  Well I mean I haven't had the energy to post about vacation but I just had to post about my trip to Lincoln tonight.

It was time to take Grandma home. She went with us on vacation and frankly she was sick of us.  Can't say I blame her.    We were going to meet up at my brother's house in Lincoln (so my dad could pick her up it's half way and my dad hates driving in Omaha) and they were nice enough to grill some brats for us.  Alex loves their dog, Pinnie, too. She's a hyper (I use that term loosely) Viszula and Alex thinks that's the neatest thing, a jumpy, piddling dog - the dog has a very severe case of ADHD.  So off in the car we went, thunderstorm warnings and all.

It started raining when we left, but nothing serious.  As soon as we got to my brother's house, my dad aka Weatherman is already warning us about the storms coming.  My dad also hates any kind of weather.....I think even a perfect 75 degree, sunshiny day will get him all itchy...so we got the weather report. We better hurry and eat and head home.  Well ok, there was a tornado warning to the west of there, but it was a ways yet.  My poor brother and SIL slapped on the beans and chips and brats and we shoved them down and literally ran out the door.  Downing a brat and a half that fast is not good for someone who has reflux.....belch.

It was lightening pretty good and dark enough for headlights.  My dad was sitting in his car, yelling at me to back the hell out so he could go!!! LOL  He cracks me up.

Man did the wind start in and then rain. The clouds were ominous to the west.  Thankfully we're heading east, so we'll outrun it right (if you know new math, a tornado heading east at 150 mph and a car heading east at 65 mph, leave Lincoln...at what point do the people in the car die?)

So it's raining like a mad bastard and I can barely see. If you've had lasik surgery like I have, you may be able to see in the distance, but you cannot see shit on a rainsoaked interstate!  I'm hoping I'm staying in my lane. Thankfully I pull up closer to a car in front of me (so I can tailgate and hope to hell they don't head for the ditch, cause I'm right behind 'em).  OMG.  Her license plate????  WICCAN 1.  I am tailgating a witch in a tornado.  I cursed the Gods who won't release the last Harry Potter til the 15th, cause I sure as hell can't remember my Patronas and I think I might need one now. 

Flying 65 down a wet windy interstate behind a witch tends to un-nerve one a tad bit (did I mention my already white knuckle death grip on the steering wheel???). I can barely see ahead but I suddenly see swirls of black clouds........in all that is the baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph....I swear it's (you think tornado right?) Dementors!! All swishy and swirling around my car and the Wiccan's car!!!  Where is my wand?  I'm doomed.  I've gone thru how many years of Hogwars with those Weasleys and I can't remember one damn spell, all I can think of is Quiddich, epic Potter fail.  Until I realize that a coal train is running along side the road and the wind is blowing coal off the top..............

Who's the drama queen? 

The Wiccan exited at the wildlife safari and South Bend (home of the Testicle Festival I kid you not!) and I wondered if I should follow her or stay on the interstate.  I stayed on.  I was driving straight down the middle of what I thought was 3 lanes.....and I guess I was ok cause I made it home in one piece.  

I'm just glad the pictures hanging on my wall aren't moving around and talking to me......

Mish Mash

My life is pretty boring.  I'd love to log on here and tell you about my latest trip to Bora Bora or how Brad REEEE-LLY wanted to leave Angelina for me...but alas......I cannot tell a lie.  Snore City.....

Our sprinklers broke.  Good thing it was only 102 yesterday and not 105.  I had to drag out the hoses and water the 3 day old bushes and flowers, which had wilted down to almost nothing.  Bets on how long it takes to get fixed? Yeah Mr Handiman is all over it....which worries me. And the $150 dollars worth of plants? My guess cripsy critters by Thursday.  And all that rain we've been getting? Oh yeah...that STOPPED.......

The dogs are driving me nuts.  They're bored too.  We got out over the weekend, but last night was too dang hot.  So Stanford is chewing the eyes off of stuffed animals.  It's very disturbing to look down and see a one eyed frog staring back up at you.  He had a very accusatory look too (like don't you have any control over this beast)....thank God we don't have a Chuckie Doll or I would have run for the hills or the nearest exorcist!   And the little dog? Apparently pooping outside is just want too much of an indignity so we crap in the house.  And for good measure we make sure some gets stuck in the fur so mommy has to hike me upside down and pick it off.   Hey it's negative attention, but it's attention right?  I would mention the non stop barking at people/dogs walking by, but why ruin a good thing? 

The kid started his new daycare. Yeah we've pretty much kicked and bitten everyone in our class, including a few teachers.  I don't want to even know the odds of getting kicked out of this one.....

Well off to the hellhole....errrr...work. No I'm still not liking it.  I think I made a mistake taking this job, but I'm stuck. So I have to figure out how to make the best of it.  Which is not my strong suit.

Aren't you glad you stopped by????  Don't you all feel better about your life????

When did it become OK to protest funerals?

I missed a memo somewhere.  When did it become socially acceptable to protest a funeral? Miss Manners has to be rolling over in her grave!

Sunday we went for a drive. OK I confess, I made hubby drive me down to the new job so I knew which building and parking lot I'd be in.  I'm dorky that way.  If I don't do that, I get all heebie jeebie the first day and end up doing stupid shit like going in the exit and running over the poor ole security guard in his shack....but I digress.  On the drive, we hit a main intersection.  Over to the left, were about 8 freaks people holding signs.  With such witty sayings as "God is your Enemy" "USSR Rules" and something about Fags.  Huh.  They were dressed oddly too. I looked up the street and saw that the funeral home parking lot was full. Great.  The Jonesboro (wish it was Jonestown, here's your koolaid, have a nice day) church was in town, protesting a military funeral.  My heart sank.  Of course I've heard of them, but had never witnessed it personally.  It hit me in the gut like Mike Tyson.  I wanted to stop and get out and smack some sense into them but thankfully I was wearing no bra, my hair was a mess, no makeup and ratty shorts.  Not sure the cops could've told me from the wack jobs, so I stayed in the car.  As we drove past the funeral home, I saw the motorcycles lined up in the parking lot.  Good Freedom riders.  I cried the rest of the way to my new job.

No grieving family should have to put up with this crap.  I know I know freedom of speech.  Yes we all have it.  But feel free to express yourself at some other time, not holding dumbass signs on the street corner, dressed like Rainbow Brite threw up on you, so a grieving family can see it all.  These military families give up alot already, give them some dignity and peace.  That soldier gave his/her life so you could have freedom......so give it a rest and protest the war at another time and place.  When did Freedom of speech replace common sense and common decency?  Dress like a normal human being and some of us might even listen, during the appropriate time and place. 

Turns out the funeral wasn't military .  Turns out the deceased died in motorcycle accident and his dad or uncle is a retired judge.  The protesters apparently were ticked off about a decision this judge made.  I'm guessing they petitioned the court to have the right to have sex with their farm animals and he had the gall to rule DENIED! Friggin idiots.  And all the motorcycles?  Buddies. 

It really hit me hard.  Obnoxious, rude, crude and moronic.  Next time, carry a sign that says "Stupid is as stupid does" or I know....when you really want attention, call up Jerry Springer! I hear he actually pays you to be stupid.  You get your freedom of speech and all the attention you could ever want.   You might even be able to have sex with your farm animals on the show!!!!  Leave grieving families alone. They have enough on their plates without you f*ckheads displaying less sense than God gave cabbage! God bless the man who died, his family and those of you who drove by this hornets nest of idiots and flipped them off!

Amen.

Thoughts of Grandma

Grandma has been in my mind alot...it really started Friday night and has carried through.  She just pops up in my mind and at times I break into tears.

I read the following blog every day and DG is just a brillant writer. She sums it up so well for me.  Please stop by and read  her In the Mourning post.  I am guessing this is what is happening to me. Grief hits you when you least expect it, it ebbs and flows, comes and goes. This past weekend, it decided to rear up and be noticed.  It's been almost 3 yrs since she passed, but this weekend it feels like only days.

I miss her.  I wish we could have had a few more good years. She wasn't ready and I surely wasn't ready.  I guess I'll just keep talking to her for now and hopefully the painful parts will ease and the good times will flood in!