Seriously

These are things that have made me go Seriously?  for the past week.

I get up in the morning 30 mins before Prince Charming (aka DH).  So once I'm done in the shower, I have to shut off all the lights in the bathroom, open the door to the dark bedroom, tiptoe carefully (to avoid stepping on dogs or in dog puke or worse) to my dresser and open my underwear drawer. It never fails, every morning, the first pair I pull out are my old maternity (ginormous) whitey's (the kid is almost 12 now, so why are they still in my drawer - seriously).  I mean from month 8.5 with a 10lb baby.  Needless to say, they fall right off after I try to hike them up  (and not fall over from balancing on one leg, in the dark - mustn't wake sleeping beauty during his extra 30 mins). The second pair is always the old holy rollers.  Actually "holey" is more like it....cause they're barely being held together by a thin thread of elastic.  In the dark I can't even tell which holes my legs go into.  Pair number three is ultimately the sexy thong. You know the one I only wear on DH's birthday.  Sorry folks I'm almost 50, thongs don't do it for me at work. No one wants to watch me squirm in my chair all day, picking at my crack......Finally, the last pair is the one! Hey they're not granny panties...I'll have you know they're hi-cut briefs!  Seriously...

For the past three mornings, I have had to kill what I can only describe as huge hairy ass spiders. The kind that make a shadow on the wall as they walk by. Even the big dog won't go near them.  I know it's Halloween but I'm not running a haunted house here, a dirty house maybe but not haunted. I thought this morning I was safe...but nope I get up from my computer and there it is, Giant, Hairy, Gross Spider on the stairs.....So I get to go grab a shoe and crunch the sucker, if he doesn't leap for my juglar vein or eat the little dog first.......Seriously!

Had to hit the grocery store last night.  We were out of the oddest items and I realized that going in, but I had DH in the car, waiting on me, so I had no time for shame.  I came in the door by the pharmacy and spotted my beloved Immodium AD.  It's been off the market for a few months now, due to a shortage. I've been taking the generic crap, which means twice the pills.  Let me sum this up by saying I have IBS and horrible cramping all the time (doubled over, doing lamaze breathing cramps for no apparent reason other than my bowel is irritated - seriously). Immodium AD is my wonder drug.  I almost danced in the aisle when I saw it!!!  Then I got sugar free jello (hello Atkins dieter here), some chocolate chip muffins (for the boy) and a Lunchable.  So Mr Fifteen Year Old Know It All With The Talking Zit On Your Forehead at the checkout counter........did I need your comments on my items?  No I do not have the flu and what's it to you?  If you'd like a full-on 45 minute discussion on IBS and Atkins, I could oblige, if DH wasn't impatiently  patiently waiting in the car.....Seriously.......that was a buzzkill on my Immodium AD treasure hunt.........only wish I needed tampons to go with it all...........

On Sunday (before the grocery store trip see item 3 above) we needed dinner.  Hell to the no I wasn't cooking and it's hard to make dinner from a single serve Mac N Cheese bowl, a can of mushrooms and some dry meatloaf mix.  I was watching a self induced Sex and The City marathon and do you have any idea how many times they eat chinese in that series??? So I suggested Panda Express to hubby.  We really don't have much for good chinese out by where I live.  You typically take your chances with any of them. Plus I needed a drive thru, as I hadn't done anything with my rat's nest hair in 2 days. So hubby gets Orange Chicken, I get a 2 entree deal and the boy loves chow mein.  I drive all the way up there, with the dogs mind you as I can't leave the house without the dogs, and get home only to find they didn't give hubby the entree, but the side order. He had 4 pieces of chicken in a tiny box!  Of course it was my fault apparently.......which I guess I should have double checked, but it's hard when you have a little white dog head buried in the bag......Seriously..........