The Final 24....

This is it..........the last 24 hours with my....

Uterus....

Seems odd doesn't it? To say goodbye to a body part you can't even see?  And one that really causes so much angst and really only served a purposed for 27 months? 

I think I'm really more concerned with the surgery itself and the aftermath....the pain, the catheter....will I have incontinence (that one scares me the most) will there be any other complications (God, I hope not!).  

I won't miss the two weeks away from work that's for sure!  That is for another post.....maybe when I'm resting on the couch......

Wish me luck!

And the Winner is.....

Hysterectomy!!!! Ding Ding Ding....

Yeah I called my gyno. I had had enough.  I go into the gory deets, but ya'll can imagine them....let's just say that the Playtex corporation is making a mint off me.  Anywho, my Doc said it's time, time for the ole fruit basket to go.  

So on August 14th, it's adios, au revoir, good bye lady parts.  And I get two weeks at home.  I sure hope Ricki Lake has on a bunch of psychics during those two weeks cause I could care less about who's baby daddy's is who's.  

Are you there God, It's me Margaret.....38 Years Later....

Me and the other 30 million other girls who were praying for our periods back in 1975.......we get it.....we got it....now we're done with it!!!!

Menopause already!!!!  I pretty sure I prayed way harder for the lottery...........where is that???

Skinny Jeans

I pulled out some of my skinny jeans this morning. It was perfect timing as the hubby took the boy to daycare this morning, so I was alone, well as alone as you can be with two dogs staring you down. Oh I saw the incriminating look in their eyes.  They were mocking the skinny jeans!  They told me not to pull out the skinny skinny jeans....and I didn't go for the skinny skinny jeans either.

I am back down 17 pounds.  Phew! It's been hard work let me tell you.  I started on January 2. The last time I did Atkins, I had 37 lbs off in no time.  It was easy peasy. I felt good and I think I looked pretty good. I bought skinny skinny jeans, with the bling on the back pockets even.  Then.....then...

Then the dreaded vertigo hit.  And it hit with a vengence (do I sense a movie title in there somewhere?). Then a trip to a neurologist who diagnosed me with migraines.  After 20 days of steroids (yuck) and eight weeks of sleeping on the couch and various other meds, the vertigo was gone and 20 lbs was back on.  And it went downhill from there.  Next came the grapefruit babies and menopause and more weight.......sigh.

So here I am today......struggling and depriving myself of delicious carbs in order to get the fat off!  And it's a minute by minute struggle let me tell you! I can hear the Runza fries calling my name...not to mention the delish french bread at Grisanti's....OMG....

I miss my sketti.......and I miss my skinny skinny jeans with the bling!  Maybe by May???

Menopause Brain

They warn you about it, but you are never fully prepared.  I guess all you can do is laugh at yourself. After all, everyone else is laughing at you.

Yesterday at work, mind you I am working with a bunch of different teams, so I have a wide exposure, and I am working on a screen with transactions. You don't need a lot of information or knowledge about software to understand transactions and that transactions are dated right? So this screen has them by date, and you can filter by date.....apparently this screen automagically filters by date.....but I didn't pay any attention to it. I obviously don't work with this screen much either, but still.....

So I send out a huge email, to a lot of people, saying the screen wasn't displaying any transactions and it was working yesterday.  DUH.  The developer replied back to change the filter to include the dates of the transactions I was looking for since we had rolled over to February.  Slapping forehead. Could I have looked any dumber? And in front of a large audience? Really? 

Then this morning, I wake up to my alarm, go to shut it off and it says 5:38.  Holy cow, it's suppose to be set to 5:30!  I'm late.  I rush to the shower, on auto pilot and start soaping up. As the shower starts waking me up, I get to thinking how odd it is that my alarm went off at 5:38??? My fuzzy wuzzy wittle brain is ticking.....oh well I must have hit snooze, which I usually don't do.  So I get out, wrap up my wet hair and dry off.  I head back out to the bedroom to grab my granny panties sexy Victoria Secret  thong and I glance at the cable box clock and it says 12:02am! What the Fark? Apparently I dreamt the alarm..... and it was enough to wake me up and I went on auto pilot...got up and started getting ready for work!

UGH!  So now I had to finish what I started with my hair.....it was 12:30 by the time I got back to bed.  I also had to stop giggling at myself.......and settle the dogs back down, they were confused as hell too. 

I wonder what other crazy things I'll do today?  Now I'm tired and menopausal.......could be interesting.........

Grapefruit Baby

You're probably thinking Oh God another one of those recipe sites where she's going to show us how to make a cute halloween thingy with grapefruit and VOILA a chuckie baby doll!!! Nope I am not that talented people.

In a previous post I think I may have mentioned I have gigantic fibroids.  I have one the size of a grapefruit, one the size of a large apple, one the size of an apricot and tons of little grapes. The gyno called it my fruit basket. She cracks me up! 

While I wait for my menopause shots (did I mention they got postponed to mid month now?), I am lovingly calling it my Grapefruit Baby. After all, my stomach is protruding like about a 6 month pregnancy and a newborn's head is about the size of a watermelon graperfruit isn't it? So hey why deny it? As cold weather approaches, the only clothes I will fit into are maternity clothes - give me the elasto waists. 

I might as well enjoy my last pregnancy. Think anyone will throw me a grapefruit baby shower?  Maybe I'll get an edible arrangement or is that considered canniblism?