Making Moutains out of Mole Bites

We come home the other night (I know you're all in shock that we were out) and I let our 4 footed friends outside and the big one runs right over to the window well.  Typically that is the doggie signal for "There's a toad down there and I really want to get it but I'm too fat to bend over"  So I go over and peer into the well and lo and behold, tis not a toad but a mole.  And it's stuck in between the screen and the window.

Obviously this is a job for the man of the house.  Not that I couldn't bring myself to fish it out but hey that's one of the reasons I got married.....to fish moles out of window wells and put gas in my car! So I summoned hubby to the backyard and showed him the situation (Not The Situation, our situation) and he realizes, albeit slowly, that he has to get the thing out. He would leave it, but the thought of it dying and rotting in there all winter skeeved him out more than grabbing the damn thing and throwing it in the garbage. 

He goes into the house and grabs a plastic bag.  Now typically when we have "vistors" in the window wells, he dons full combat gear, head to toe (in case toads spit or baby bunnies attack) but tonight he didn't.  I had premonition this wasn't going to end well.......

I was out front doing ladylike things (watering the weeds... english garden) and he comes around the corner, bleeding.  The mole bit him!  I'm psychic!

The first words out of his mouth? "OMG! Should I go the emergency room?"  I'm all for ER trips, when you have a REAL emergency, not sure about a mole bite.  He had the mole in the bag, apparently the little bugger bit him through the bag (it was not a hefty bag, shoulda used the hefty honey).  He prompty slams the mole into the driveway, thus ending his revenge and runs into the house to scrub vigorously.

I immediately ran to my computer to put it all on Facebook (as you do in emergencies...am I right?).  He comes back to me, all sterile, for me to look at it.  I can barely see broken skin. He's still wanting to go the emergency room at this point.  He's sure he has rabies now. 

I try to calm him down (so I stop laughing hysterically and posting more comments on FB) and tell him to google moles and see if they even carry rabies.  He has car keys in his hand, in case he needs to make a mad dash for the hospital, but decides to call his doctor first.

I'm pretty sure the doctor on call, on a Saturday night at 7:30pm, was beyond thrilled to get this call.  Turns out moles don't typically carry rabies and the worst he could get is mild infection.

So hubby lubes up with 3 tubes of neosporin and a container of band-aids.  We keep the last tube of neosporin close by, in case we break out in sudden infection..........

My friends on FB told me to put foamy toothpaste around his mouth after he fell asleep.  I did think about it, but the panic and subsequent ER and mental health professional bills I would incur after pulling a prank like this, deterred me. I did chuckle off  and on throughout the rest of the evening. And threw out little tid bits like... "Do you think we have Ebola in the US?" and "Honey bubonic plaque has been erradicated, right?"  Cause I'm loving like that...........

Oh and the mole? It's our freezer....just in case.........