Times They are A Changin'

I've made an executive decision this morning.  Mostly because I'm home today and it's Monday.  Mostly because my contract was ended Friday and I'm still in shock and I need something to do.  I've never been without a job.

I'm making this blog about my personal life only, mostly about down syndrome and creating a craft and upcycling blog and moving my creations over there.

So stay tuned!!! All one of you!!!

My Top Projects of 2014

Well this post will be pretty easy to sum up. Mainly because I posted most of them in one post already! I guess I had some premonition already.....so why make it hard on myself eh? LOL So here it goes.........

 The majority of my projects can be found here........ I'm pretty proud of myself. I took some risks and learned alot. I am going to branch out more in 2015 and see what I can do!!! I'm going to try more furniture! I would love to start my own business too! We'll see!! My other project was re-doing my son's bathroom. I first decorated when we moved in. He was five. He's now almost 15! It was time. It's a cute beach theme. Below are a few pics....

This is a cute boat shelf I found at Goodwill. The cute boy/girl luau figurines were my Grandma's. They fit right in!! And the Hawaii tin I picked up in Maui when we went for our 10th anniversary. The little perfume bottle was my other grandmother's.  I love that I have a place to display them now.

I can't remember where I got this one........I think maybe Kirkland's......love that store....I could live there.  But sometimes the scents in there can get overwhelming....and I know you're digging the band-aid box.......

And the last picture here is a shelf that I got for 1/2 price at Garden Ridge. It had a ding in it so I scored big time. I painted it with blue milk paint and got the chippy effect (who doesn't love chippy - cookie or otherwise?). The sign above it came from JoAnn Fabric, along with the life preserver. I think the "My Heart Belongs" and the string of fish also came from Kirklands. I've since added a red fish statue from Hobby Lobby during a 50% off bonanza and it sits to the right .... What you don't see is a cute paddle with hooks (thank you Home Goods!) that hangs over the door and the blue, beige and white shower curtain and the dark blue bath mat. I also have a blue fish soap dish and I found a cute lobster chowder bowl again at Goodwill for $1.50 that sits on the counter. All and all I think the bathroom turned out pretty cute and I didn't need to re-paint or overhaul the tile etc.

 So that's it for me............now bring on 2015!!!

My Projects

I've been having trouble posting from work but I switched to Chrome and voila! I can post again! Took me long enough eh? Geesh. Please ignore some of the spelling mistakes. I'm trying to do this on the sly at work......so I am hurrying a bit........ So now it's time to share some of the crafty things I've been up too. Prepare to be dazzled (no, not bedazzled...)! First up......are some fun Mason Jars. My Mason jar obsession started when I got the idea to create the center pieces for my dad's 80th birthday party. It was alot of work but man was it fun (both the party and making the jars! I've gotten lots of requests to make more and I have fun doing them! I scout the goodwill and junk stores for old jars everytime I go!

Do you not love the Pointer picture just visable to the left here?

Aren't they cute? I made 17 of them for the party!!! I even did a few with flags to commemerate his time in the service! I didn't get those uploaded though! I put those in a blue wire basket. They turned out pretty dang cute! Kept those and now they have Christmas lights and I plug them in at night and it's pretty cute in the dark! Next up is a table I painted with a cream chalk paint and distressed. I think it's an old telephone table. I found it at a thrift store for $14!! The minute I saw it, I just had to have it!!! Here's the before:

And now the after:

I think it turned out pretty dang cute too! It does have some spots where it should have been sanded but overalll for my first furniture effort I love it. Right now I have it by my loveseat and it has a very cute red plaid Christmas owl and some Christmas decor on it! Next up is a Snowman serving tray. He's kind of a spooky looking fellow if I do say so myself. I thought he could use an antique look......

Is it just me or is he on the creepy side??? So I gave him a coat of red chalk paint then a few coats of green and then distressed him. While I think he still maintained a bit of the creep factor, he does look more antique now....

Now onto my past (and present) love of France........I tried my hand at creating a homemade cloche. I found this clock at Goodwill.

It was a mere $2.99. Don't fret the base was plastic and it didn't work anyhow. I took it apart and used the glass top for the cloche. I put a green plate for the bottom. You can use almost anything for the bottom including the base of the clock....

Add some fake snow and the Eiffel Tower and there it is!!!! I love this!!! I can re-use this for any holiday or for everyday!! Next up is a plant stand. Another foray into furniture. Again this is the creamy chalk paint. Here is the before, which was a dark cherry wood. I got this for $3 at Goodwill...

And the After:

Again......I think it turned out pretty good!!! Last but not least........A button snowman!!! I have this at work!!!

Thank you for sticking with me and this long post!! I did post these on Facebook and apparently a few of my friends felt pressured to "like" them. So I came here to post instead. No pressure people (not that anyone really checks in here anymore). I have been toying with the idea of starting my own business and selling this stuff. It's a big deal for me......putting myself out there...some people will not like it...there will be critics. I am sensitive to critism. But I love doing this....it makes my heart beat a little faster. So we'll see.

My New Obsession - Estate Sales!

A friend of mine recently started working part time for a couple of gals who own a company that comes in and does estate sales. So we thought what the hay, we would support her and go to one. Now I've never been to one before so I didn't know what to expect. But it was kind of fun. It was an indoor garage sale. Don't get me wrong, there was stuff for sale in the garage too, but there was stuff in the house air conditioned house too! The 87 yr old woman living in the house went to a home. The house was well kept. It was dated in the 80's but clean. Some things were too high priced though. There was a set of bar stools priced at $ 115 a piece!! Seriously, Daniel Boone better have carved them himself at those prices! I bought an old Mason jar (I also have an obsession with Mason jars right now, more later on that), a ladder for my Cat's Meows and a old spool all for $11. Then my friend had us write a few things that she could get at 1/2 price at 5:00 pm that if they didn't sell. Well I got them and I was more excited about those!!! I got a set of 5 cast iron bunnies for $5 and an old crock for $5!!! Now to go pick them up!! I think we'll go again, I have the estate sale bug!!! I want to find some furniture to try out my chalk painting obsession (ok that's three obsessions now right??).

The Final 24....

This is it..........the last 24 hours with my....

Uterus....

Seems odd doesn't it? To say goodbye to a body part you can't even see?  And one that really causes so much angst and really only served a purposed for 27 months? 

I think I'm really more concerned with the surgery itself and the aftermath....the pain, the catheter....will I have incontinence (that one scares me the most) will there be any other complications (God, I hope not!).  

I won't miss the two weeks away from work that's for sure!  That is for another post.....maybe when I'm resting on the couch......

Wish me luck!

And the Winner is.....

Hysterectomy!!!! Ding Ding Ding....

Yeah I called my gyno. I had had enough.  I go into the gory deets, but ya'll can imagine them....let's just say that the Playtex corporation is making a mint off me.  Anywho, my Doc said it's time, time for the ole fruit basket to go.  

So on August 14th, it's adios, au revoir, good bye lady parts.  And I get two weeks at home.  I sure hope Ricki Lake has on a bunch of psychics during those two weeks cause I could care less about who's baby daddy's is who's.  

Are you there God, It's me Margaret.....38 Years Later....

Me and the other 30 million other girls who were praying for our periods back in 1975.......we get it.....we got it....now we're done with it!!!!

Menopause already!!!!  I pretty sure I prayed way harder for the lottery...........where is that???

Happy Birfday

Birthdays can be fun.  Parties, presents and people. They can also bring up all kinds of memories, good and bad.

I have a memory, that goes way back, I think I was maybe seven.  I don’t even remember the girl. I have a suspicion, but with a fuzzy recollection I won’t attempt to point a finger. Oh I’d like too. It would be fun to call her out, ask her why she was so very mean, why me, ya know? Of course I have a pretty good idea why me, but I’d like her to give me an answer anyhow. Maybe even offer up an apology…..it might even be sincere who knows?

The memory goes like this.  I’m a sad little girl. I don’t have many friends.  I’m bullied every day on the way to school and on the way home.  Home isn’t much better.  I’m pretty much ignored, which isn’t bad because when someone pays attention, it’s usually negative attention, aka a beating for something I did or didn’t do.  Or I was told yet again how stupid I am. So yeah, most days were barely tolerable.  It was about surviving the day mostly intact…..laying low….flying under the radar so to speak.

One extra ordinary day, I got a birthday party invitation.  I hardly knew what it was – I had never gotten one at school before!  Man I was excited! I kept it hidden from the bullies and ran home as soon as I could and showed it to my mom!  A real live birthday party invitation! To this girl’s party! She invited me!  The ugly, hated girl in school!  I was beside myself with joy.  Let me tell you it was so hard picking out a present too. It had to be perfect! I couldn’t embarrass myself by picking out something dumb and ugly!  She just had to keep on liking me after the party! I went with a Barbie.  You can’t miss with a Barbie.  It was a pretty plain Barbie though, we didn’t have much money.  But it was a Barbie and I was so proud.

Waiting for the big day was excruciating. I don’t remember all the details I just remember hiding it from the bullies and not saying anything to them. I know they were invited and I wasn’t about to let them know I was invited too.  I couldn’t risk getting uninvited at the last minute!

 

Finally, the big day arrived (a Saturday).  My mom had helped me wrap the Barbie in cute pink birthday paper and I had a card too.  I remember it had rained but I didn’t care!  I was going to a party! I was INVITED!  I was SOMEBODY!  We found the address and pulled up.  She lived in a neat house, that had two stories. It had neat concrete steps that you had to walk up to the front door.  These were like rich people houses (you see I grew up fairly poor…anyone with a decent looking house was rich to me).  I cautiously walked up the steps, I suddenly got nervous. I had never been invited before. What if I did or said something stupid? What if all the girls laughed at me?  I hesitated, looked back, and my mom and dad were waiting like hurry up and ring the damn bell already………so I reached out and rang the bell.  I heard it inside go off.  I took a deep breath and waited.  Nothing.   I waited and looked back and again saw irritated parents so I tentatively stuck my finger out (shifting the gift wrapped Barbie under my arm, as it was now getting wet in the rain) and pushed the bell again. Ding Dong.  Again no response.

I rang the bell one more time and walked dejectedly back down to the car.  My dad yelled at me asking me if I was too stupid to ring a doorbell.  I told him no I rang it three times but no one answered.  He made me go back up and ring it yet again.  UGH.  Again, no answer.

So me and my gift wrapped Barbie got in the car and went home.  I think I cried but I don’t remember.  I don’t even remember what happened after this.  I think I blocked it out (well obviously I did).  I remember the door bell ringing the walk back to the car………I remember the wrapped Barbie staying in the top drawer of my mom’s dresser for several years – which leads me to believe that I was blamed for the party mishap.

Years later I was hit with the realization of what went on.  She had given me a “fake” invitation, one with the wrong location or date or time on it, so I showed up at the wrong place at the wrong time, while the party went on somewhere else.  Like I said, I don’t remember what happened  at school that following Monday.  I don’t even remember if my mom called her mom or what.  I do remember the humiliation of it all.  The humiliation of the Barbie remaining in my mom’s dresser for several years too, as if to say this is all your fault. 

So birthdays can be fun…..they can also be landmines.                                                                 

A Change Will Do You Good

Yesterday marked the changing of the guard so to speak.  I quit my job of three years. I know, I know.  Those of you who know me, realize I change jobs, often.  The pattern is about every two years.  I made this one last three. Bully for me.  Why am I hearing a british accent in my head?

I wanted this one to last. I had plans to retire out of this one.  Don't laugh. I did.  They had some good perks, gave people stocks and nice bonuses etc.  But what you don't see in the brochures is the pain inflicted upon some employees behind the scenes.

I've been in the same "career" (career sounds lofty I must say) for gulp, 17 years now.  I know my shit. I'm not one to toot my own horn (beep beep) but I'm pretty good at it....well now I've been told that so get that hand off your hip!  I like what I do, I like working on a team.  What's not to love about me, ammmmmIIIIrrrrighttt?  But man did my boss have a burr up her butt with me.

She liked me when I started. After all she hired me as a contractor.  Oh she made the occasional offhand remark that I'd take her job....I should have seen the signs then...the big red flag of insecurity waving right then and there......but I chuckled and told her I didn't want it and I was sincere, I didn't want it.  All I wanted was to come to work, do my job, do it well, get a good paycheck and go home.

It was going well until I took a full time position with "a Nuther Company" after 1 1/2 yrs.  A big mistake.  A ginormous mistake. I knew in my heart of hearts it was wrong, but I let myself get influenced by the full time status and benefits. So I quit this job.  Ugh.  Within a week I knew it was a bad deal.  I asked to come back to the original gig within 3wks....and I was back in 4 wks.  But I had lost all my senority and all my good projects. And my good graces.  I deserved it.

And not long after, I was hired on as a full time employee.  That was a good thing!  I told myself I was going to retire out of here.  I was not going to job hop! This was it. Then it happened.  Dun Dun Dun (queue the dramatic scene music) I was put on "THE PROJECT FROM HELL" the one none of us wanted, the one that had destroyed others before me.  I had no choice. I had to take it.

It destroyed me as well.  My boss was now made a manager and it went to her head.  She went around saying "because I'm the boss" as a reason for everything. Oh yes she did.....I tried talking to her about TPFH.  Have you figured out yet that she was the reason TPFH was TPFH?  yup.  She bullied me constantly, blaming me for every little problem and issue, even though I couldn't create them alone, being on a "team" and all.  I cried on the way to work. Some mornings I would pull over to the side of road, because I could barely force myself to drive into work!  Eventually after several one on ones with her, she told me I needed to think of my position as more of a job than a career....*heavy sigh*  the writing was on the wall.  That was back in August of 2012.  I started my job hunt shortly after that.  I am one who can only take so much bullying and getting a bonus once a year does not make me forgive and forget (well it would  need a few more zeros at least).  And when it's your boss......what can you do?

We all know how tough the economy is.  I have been looking since the "job not career" comment. I wasn't going to take just anything either.  Who wants to go from bad to worse?  I did get one job offer in January, but I knew it wasn't going to be a good fit and I had to turn it down. I lost a good friend in that deal as well, that hurt!  Little did I know that something better was down the road!

A previous co-worker and I suddenly got in touch.  I started my career with her, oh yeah way back long ago (see above - 17 yrs).   She loves her company and was telling me all about. We talked and chatted - Facebook is fabulous etc and tried to make plans to hook up for lunch. We had to keep cancelling because of work. It became a running a joke!  It took us weeks!  In the meantime... a job popped up in her company....she asked if I was interested........was I interested??? how does HELLS YES sound?

The rest is history.......I start Monday.  Our immediate boss is way cool, the CEO seems way cool.  They want senior level people, responsible, smart people.  Go figure! 

It's a new day, a new dawn....my friends tell me I already look so much better, much happier.  I cannot tell you how much of a burden has been lifted. I owe a big thanks to my friend and I owe her lunch too!  I'll have to post up after a few weeks and let ya'll know how it's going. Maybe there will even be a sock girl, who knows!!!!

Skinny Jeans

I pulled out some of my skinny jeans this morning. It was perfect timing as the hubby took the boy to daycare this morning, so I was alone, well as alone as you can be with two dogs staring you down. Oh I saw the incriminating look in their eyes.  They were mocking the skinny jeans!  They told me not to pull out the skinny skinny jeans....and I didn't go for the skinny skinny jeans either.

I am back down 17 pounds.  Phew! It's been hard work let me tell you.  I started on January 2. The last time I did Atkins, I had 37 lbs off in no time.  It was easy peasy. I felt good and I think I looked pretty good. I bought skinny skinny jeans, with the bling on the back pockets even.  Then.....then...

Then the dreaded vertigo hit.  And it hit with a vengence (do I sense a movie title in there somewhere?). Then a trip to a neurologist who diagnosed me with migraines.  After 20 days of steroids (yuck) and eight weeks of sleeping on the couch and various other meds, the vertigo was gone and 20 lbs was back on.  And it went downhill from there.  Next came the grapefruit babies and menopause and more weight.......sigh.

So here I am today......struggling and depriving myself of delicious carbs in order to get the fat off!  And it's a minute by minute struggle let me tell you! I can hear the Runza fries calling my name...not to mention the delish french bread at Grisanti's....OMG....

I miss my sketti.......and I miss my skinny skinny jeans with the bling!  Maybe by May???

Grapefruit Baby

You're probably thinking Oh God another one of those recipe sites where she's going to show us how to make a cute halloween thingy with grapefruit and VOILA a chuckie baby doll!!! Nope I am not that talented people.

In a previous post I think I may have mentioned I have gigantic fibroids.  I have one the size of a grapefruit, one the size of a large apple, one the size of an apricot and tons of little grapes. The gyno called it my fruit basket. She cracks me up! 

While I wait for my menopause shots (did I mention they got postponed to mid month now?), I am lovingly calling it my Grapefruit Baby. After all, my stomach is protruding like about a 6 month pregnancy and a newborn's head is about the size of a watermelon graperfruit isn't it? So hey why deny it? As cold weather approaches, the only clothes I will fit into are maternity clothes - give me the elasto waists. 

I might as well enjoy my last pregnancy. Think anyone will throw me a grapefruit baby shower?  Maybe I'll get an edible arrangement or is that considered canniblism?

Menopause Tomorrow 11:00am

who's with me?  

Lessons Learned at the Nail Spa

I never had my nails done up before, other than an occasional manicure.  But I've never took the dive into the fake nails etc. I typically have pretty good nails, it's just that I chew them... to the nubs....ugh.

But when my parent's 50th anniversary was bearing down on me, I hated my chewed off stumps.  Of course I knew it was coming months in advance, but I couldn't stop chewing.  Don't judge....I could take up alcohol....

So I got the gel tips with shellac polish and I fell in love. My nails looked fab!  I was hooked...I've been going ever since.

Last night whilst I was being filed and glued (I'd say nailed but that pun is too obvious) an older lady came to sit by me...she was next. I say older which is relative when you're considered old too, she was probably in her mid to late 60's which qualifies me as YOUNGER...ahem.....she was nice she was waiting her turn.  The gal doing my nails was going to do hers next. She asked if she wanted the same color as usual, which she replied yes the usual.  So being naturally   a nosey bitch  a bit curious I glanced over at her hands  Her usual color was a very, very pale pink.  Ok...that's cool. 

She then, being a nosey old broad a bit curious, she glanced over at my nails. I had opted for the money green, magnetic polish.  The pattern is really cool and it caught her eye.  She asked me about the design and I put my hand out to show her and she loved it.   She was ooing and awwwing. So when manicure gal came back from fetching my hot towel, I told her I think I have her sold on the magnetic color! And they both reared back and looked at me like I had just farted and said ooohhh nooo she'd/I'd never do that!!!!  GASP!!!!  Oh the horror of color!

I kind of laughed and moved on and paid.  But I got to thinking (and yes I was driving at the same time so let that be a warning to you) how sad.  Let go a little, live!!!  Color outside the lines, wear purple and put money green magnetic polish on your nails - WTH???  You only live once and it's removeable so not like you're going to the grave with it!!!  Have fun, be the center of attention (without dancing on the table tops, drunk and flashing your muffin top to God and everybody) enjoy - dance like nobody is watching (just not on the table, see above?) !!!

I for one will be going to my grave with the flashiest nails I can find!!!  and bury me in some hooker heels and a short skirt!  Give me big 80's hairdo to match!

And I did not realize the implications of this meeting and the deep thoughts I had whilst (I am loving whilst today) driving....until the next day which I will post more on later.

Bullies

There has been so much coverage on bullying and stopping it early and providing repercussions if you are the bully. I think we all can get behind that. No brainer really.

Back in my elementary school days (late 60's early 70's - you know horse and buggies and all) there was no zero tolerance. In fact bullying was tolerated period. I should know I was a victim.

To this day I don't talk about it much. It brings the feelings of shame right back to the surface, as if it happened yesterday. I still flush when I think of it. Most days it's not even on my radar, but it filtered up to the top this weekend. Might have to do with me seeing a therapist - might not - ha! This is very difficult to share.......I don't talk about it much. Most of my childhood was filled with trauma and hurt and that is something very hard to share with anyone, but here I am shouting it out to the world (or to the 2 people who read my blog! LOL).

I had to walk to the school bus every day. Not a long walk, but when you're a kid, it seemed like miles and miles. And when you're tortured en route and back home every day, it's even longer. See, there were three other girls on that walk.......three girls who verbally and/or physically abused me on the way. I hated that walk and I hated the bus ride. I begged my parents to drive me and that was no go as we only had one car and my dad had to be to work way earlier than I could be at school. I had stomach aches all the time but was still pushed out the door.

I told my mom these girls were bothering me and I got the sage advice of "Just ignore them." It's pretty hard to ignore rocks hurled at your head or three girls hurling nasty insults in a sing song voice on the bus (where everyone could hear).

There was an alternate route to take but it was on a busier street and I would still end up at the same bus stop. But it seemed like a good idea, the girls were on the other route and I'd only have to deal with them on the wait for the bus. If I showed up late enough, it was a mere 5 minutes of torture. Well it was a good plan while it lasted........good until I ran into the older boys that walked that route. They started in on teasing me and running after me, saying all kinds of dirty things. Now I was old enough to realize they were dirty things, but young enough to not understand what they all meant. The yelling turned into sexual assault one day, when I didn't run fast enough to get past them. This is the first time that I have ever acknowledged it as sexual assault and the revelation to myself stunned me. I am a survivor of child sexual abuse. I think I was so use to the trauma of walking to the bus stop, that I never put a name on it. I thought it was what happened to everyone if you didn't run fast enough to get away.  Children committing sex acts on other children did not register as abuse to me.  Oh and you can bet your bottom dollar I never told my parents. I wouldn't have been able to put into words what was done to me.

So I had a choice...verbal and physical abuse from the girls or take the alternate route and have fingers shoved up where they didn't belong ( we all wore short dresses in those days to school. Believe me I loved when winter came and it was pants and heavy coats!) and having my very flat chest grabbed and pawed and made fun of. Some choice huh?

Now a sane person would ask "why didn't you tell your teachers or your parents." Well here are two incidents that led me to never tell another soul about what went on. A new girl showed up at school, her name was Diana. She was quiet and shy. When I got home I told my parents there was a new girl and told them her name. Turns out her mom and my dad were 2nd cousins or something. Well this bonded us and we became friends. Apparently one day during recess, Diana and I were talking and laughing, playing. I remember it was a good day, I had a friend. Well on the bus ride home the three girls decided that I had been talking about and laughing at one of them. They started calling me names. I told them we weren't talking about her, we were telling jokes and talking. Well they demanded to know the joke. I told them the joke, it was some lame 9 or 10 yr old joke and they decided it wasn't a funny joke so I was totally making fun of the girl. It wasn't enough to taunt me on the bus and it got physical as usual. On this day I fought back, kicking and pulling hair as much as I could against the three of them. One of them had an umbrella and soon used it over my head. She broke her umbrella...yes over my head....and ran home crying. She told her parents that I had broken her umbrella........which led to a phone call to my mom...and a demand to replace the umbrella. I tried and tried to tell my parents what had happened for reals....but they didn't care, all they knew is that they would have to shell out money (I forgot to mention that we lived like poor sharecroppers never spent a penny on anything extra - I didn't even own an umbrella, even though we had the money as I learned as an adult, but my dad wasn't spending it any of it on us - but that's a whole nuther post) for an umbrella I broke. I got a beating with a belt for that one. I also got beat up again on the walk to the bus the next morning. I took alot of beatings in those days.

The second incident involved school. After a nightmare of a bus ride, I went to the principal. I was probably in 3rd or 4th grade at this point and was terrified to tell (the principal had a paddle in his office and he wasn't afraid to use it). But I had to do something. I told him that the three girls were picking on me and told him some of the things they did. Well he called in the three girls and talked to them. Then he called me back in and told me that the three girls said I had instigated all the fighting and that I had to learn how to get along better with others or I'd end up expelled from school or paddled or both. I was then informed by the girls at recess that I was really going to get it when we got off the bus. I ran all the way home with them chasing me, screaming insults to boot, as far as they could go. Phew! I was safe - I was home. Well not so. The principal had called my parents and told them I was causing trouble at the bus stop and on the bus. Yup you guessed it, I got another beating with a belt for having the principal call the house. I knew then and there I was on my own. Every day was fraught with fear and humiliation. At one point, the oldest girl told me she was really my friend and we could be friends as soon as the other two turned off towards home and weren't around. But she had to pretend she hated me while they were around. Can you imagine that I actually felt relief at that? I look back now and see how sad and lonely I must have been to consider a partial friendship as a dream come true. I considered it a great honor when she told me that they had written a nasty, dirty note about me and left it where I could find it.  I felt special that she told me ahead of time.....lessened the shock value.

When the oldest girl went on to Jr High and the two others and I entered 6th grade, the bullying eased up a bit. I think the triad had been broken and it wasn't so fun anymore. Then I started bullying. I remember the girl and I am truly ashamed that I did to someone else what was done to me. It felt good to be in power.......to taunt and not be the recipient. Until I got called to the principal's office for the very crime that was committed against me, I didn't stop. I am truly sorry for that behavior. That is the behavior that deserves shame......

While the bullying in Jr and Sr High wasn't as bad, I was still picked on here and there (had my name written on bathroom walls, the usual Jr/Sr High stuff, you know calling me a slut or a whore). Even today, I am being bullied by a co-worker right now and instead of handling it, I cower in my cube and ignore it when it happens. I guess I carry the victim stamp on my forehead. I try very hard not to be a victim, but I guess I do that. I know I'm the better employee but I still quake in my boots when it does happen. I'm still that little girl, standing on the old wooden bridge while three girls taunt me and tease me and throw my homework in the creek.

I did get a sort of apology from one of the girls later in life. It was kind of half assed I'm sorry for what I did. And you know what? I'm facebook friends with two of them!!! WTF? I'm still looking for approval from them.......all these years and I still want to be accepted by them.

I worry for my son now. He is so easy to bully. He wouldn't realize what was going on. I pray every day that the teachers are watching out for him.....as he is now in Middle School. He's so innocent....I think I would come unglued if I ever found out.........so unglued I might break an umbrella over someone's head. OK, I wouldn't be violent but you can bet your sweet patootie I won't stand by and tell him to ignore it! 

If you see bullying, step in.  If your child is a bully, put a stop to it.  If your child is a victim, belive them and get the help they need!   Never ever blame the victim. That is the most damaging of all. 

Word do hurt....

I forgot how to sleep in my own bed

So I am in week six of sleeping on the couch.  It's getting old and I'm wrecking the crap out of the couch cushions.......not to mention the dogs' psyches are outta whack...they love sleeping on the bed and they miss it too.

I still have vertigo when I lay flat.  I've been calling the neurologist every week since I first saw him and he's been messing around with my meds and nothing has helped. Yesterday the verdict was "it will take 6 to 8 weeks to get rid off"  WTF?

I guess on the good side, I'm at 5 weeks of med and I see him next week during week #6. He did mention an IV if I'm still not over it....wonderful. 

And Dude...btw...I'm leaving on a jet plane in 3 weeks.......we best be gettin' this fixed up! 

Bug Mania

What is it with bugs lately?  Geesh.  I can't say that I've seen a bunch around my house (lately) but they're making the news and starring in award winning blogs. Just check out my friend over there on the right... Wait in the Van. I didn't link to her, she has some serious Ju Ju going on there.........

I caught a headline on the old hometown newspaper today (well I stop by every day to check the obits!).  Apparently Brown Recluse spiders are mating like mad bastards here in this state and you best beware.  Check your shoes folks! And for you hoarder types, who have clothes laying all around on the floor, (is my daugther reading this?  Moms you could get your kids to pick up their clothes after reading this post) you best be shakin' them out before you put them on!!!  UGH!

"The bite frequently is not felt initially and may not be immediately painful, but it can be serious. The brown recluse bears a potentially deadly hemotoxic venom. Most bites are minor with no necrosis. However, a small number of brown recluse bites do produce severe dermonecrotic lesions (i.e. necrosis); an even smaller number produce severe cutaneous (skin) or viscerocutaneous (systemic) symptoms. In one study of clinically-diagnosed brown recluse bites, skin necrosis occurred 37% of the time, while systemic illness occurred 14% of the time.^[15] In these cases, the bites produced a range of symptoms common to many members of the Loxosceles genus known as loxoscelism, which may be cutaneous and viscerocutaneous. In very rare cases, bites can even cause hemolysis—the bursting of red blood cells.^[16]"

So apparently you won't notice you've been bitten until your flesh is hanging off your body in warm, smelly, blackened hunks. Nice.

Load up on Raid and don't say I didn't warn ya..................and I won't be sleeping well tonight after this article and reading Wait in the Van....

Holy Migraines Batman

I've been dealing with vertigo for the past six months or so.  It was the "I just got off the three hour tour and getting my land legs back" type of vertigo.  Well last Thursday morning, early morning, I rolled over in bed and the whole room started spinning.  Dammit.  I had a neurology appt the following Tuesday and I was hoping to make it there before it got worse.

No luck.  So I called my GP and got in.  I got the usual there's nothing we can do for you but give you some Anti-vert.  Great.  Went home and took Anti-vert. Well that made it worse.....nice.  I was spinning every which way and not sleeping at all.  And got very panicky with it.

Called the GP back on Friday, telling him I was worse......so he sent me for a CT scan at 3:30 (in the afternoon, on a Friday before a long weekend).  He ever so nicely managed to leave me a voicemail on the wrong phone (we asked him to call the cell phone as we were picking up the boy) and said the scan was normal and to hang on til the appt on Tuesday.  Well how nice was that? He managed to leave the message late on Friday and was gone before we could call back.  I had to spend the nice, long weekend spinning and avoiding vomitting all over everything and everyone.....not to mention I had to sleep on the couch, propped up, couldn't even get in my own bed!!!  My neck was killing me too.  I was a big baby too, spent several nights, panicked, sobbing to my husband that no one could help me and I can't live my life this way.........wah wah wah.  Of course the weather was gorgeous most of the weekend and I was stuck mostly in the house. I did manage a few minutes in the sun, but the light was hard to take. 

Finally Tuesday arrives.  I can hardly wait to get to the neurologist. I told hubby (did I mention I couldn't drive either?) if he pulls the "nothing we can do blah blah"  we're driving across the street to the ER and they will have to deal with me, I just can't do this anymore....(insert more pity party here).

This guy was a miracle worker.  Right off the bat he said I'm having migraines.  Now I never really believed in migraines, I had the misconception of people with migraines were slackers, looking for some time off. Suck up the headache and get to work right?  WOW! Was I proved wrong....this guy gave me 12 shots of nerve blockers and within 10 mins I was soooo much better!!! It was amaze-balls!  I couldn't believe it.  The room was clearer, the fog had lifted and the pain in my neck was gone!  I couldn't believe how much better I could see, I wouldn't have told you I wasn't seeing clear before those shots!

I'm off all caffeine, all OTC pain killers and no chiropractor and he put me on PT.  I am taking 5 different meds right now......and I've got shots too.  The shots hurt like a you know what....but man do they work quickly!

I'm back at work. Still got some whoozy times but it's good to be back. I haven't slept in my own bed since last Wed and haven't driven a car either.  So weird to get back behind the wheel.

This was one debillitating illness....I can't believe the GP let me go so long.  I now have to get past this crisis and start to prevent them from happening in the future! 

The Bird Whisperer

Spring sprang early this year.  We've had butterflies for months now.....which is so odd up north here.  Along with that all the flowers and trees bloomed early.  At this rate, the first snowflake will land in late August.  Meh.

And the birds are singing...and mating.  And building nests....in that order.  We don't have too many trees around our house, as the subdivision is too new, but there are few getting big enough for nesting. However, our grill is much more appealing as a home than a plain old oak.....

I bought some mighty fine beer brats (can beer brats be fine?) last week and while simmering them in beer and onions (for god's sake this is not a recipe/cooking/gourmet blog) I headed out to heat up the ole bbq.  I opened the lid and YUCK!!!  It looked like an emu built the king of all nests in the grill.  There were sticks and grass and garbage in there..........not to mention all the sh*t!! Emus poop alot and apparently they like to sh*t where I eat!!

Of course hubby wasn't home yet so I got to clean it up.  I picked out what I could and lit the fire (feathers and poop don't always smell too good lit up on fire either.....) and let it heat up to over 800 degrees, hoping that  bird lice and germs can't survive much over 100 degrees... and eventually slapped the brats on the grill (yes I scrapped it too).  Informed hubby of my massive efforts at dinner and he better damn well enjoy it (I think he gagged it down, his OCD on overtime with bird germs and lice)!

I'll be danged if a week later, I notice the ginormous piles of bird crap all over the patio and all over the grill! Those bastards had started a re-build - they're like FEMA on steroids - swear to God.  And no way was I cleaning it up, this is why we marry guys, so they can clean up after sex crazed emus!

We also got out the plastic owl and tied it to the grill. Oh yeah read the books, birds hate owls.  This one has yellow eyes, very spooky.   It's definitely an emu ass kickin' owl.  I'm confident that our problem is solved.  The birds can go get their freak on over at the neighbors and set up house in their fancy Webber.....and leave my cheap ass Kmart one alone!

Sunday morning.........awwww mother's day.  No one is up yet, let's hear it for some mommy time! I head over the coffee pot and pour myself a cuppa.  I glance out the back window and I'll be damned if it wasn't one of the emus (not sure how to tell naughty bits on an emu?) pecking the crap out of the plastic owl!!  Oh now it's on bitch-chezes!!

Using the superior brain that God gave us humans and not emus, I decided to get one those of metallic spinners to hang near the grill, thinking the light and movement will scare them.  Remember last year, you couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting a metallic wind spinner???  They're really fugly truth be told and you couldn't get thru a store without at least 10 of them whacking you in the head, mostly because you're blinded and dizzy from the spinning or maybe that's just me...anywho..

I cannot find a frickin' metallic spinner to save my ever lovin' life.  Doesn't Walmart breed tacky and cheap???  Walgreens not far behind..Tru Value Hardware and Bag N Save.  Nope, no dice.  I could have bought 20 scary garden gnomes or turtles with solar lights in their shells......seriously.....

I stopped at 5 stores and finally found a stupid looking rainbow thingy, it's just a swirly piece of plastic but it's shiny and it moves and it was only a dollar.  No one will see it but the birds, so I figured why not.

It better work or I'm getting a BB gun.....

Much too Young to Feel this Damn Old!

Time to face the truth.  I'm officially old.  Over the Hill.  Welcome to AARP.

Had the ole annual pap and torture... pelvic exam.. Good times.  I felt sorry for the doc, after all, we're just coming out of winter.....who has time to shave right?  Meh.

She did tell me one more year of birth control and then I'm done! Done I tell you! 

WOW! Done.  No more pregnancy worries, no more periods, no more teacher's dirty looks...errrr....I mean come on.  I know I won't miss those things, but dang it has smacked me right upside my head! I'm old!  I'm having hot flashes, most days focusing is a lost cause...and bitchy? Holy mother of the baby Jesus....I'm bitchy.  And I'm not going to even mention how far south my boobs and butt have gone, but let's just say they're whistlin' Dixie!!!!

I'm not ready to be old.  I can't believe that I'm old. No more young, pretty hair, no glowing skin, just crow's feet and grey.  No more turning heads (except when I'm sweating profusely in the checkout line and screaming "Pay for it already dammit!").  I'm trading in wild nights and parties for aches and pains and afternoon naps - trading skin tight skirts and stripper heels for Red hats and senior discounts at Denny's.  I will buy sensible shoes.  What was the 800 number for the walk in tubs?

Yup I'm not quite ready yet.  I don't want to face it, not yet anyhow.  Even if my ass is a saggin' and baggin'. I may have to go into this kicking and screaming.....

Brain Fart

I have to admit, the older I get, the more my brain farts (ok so does my rear end but we are ladies and we don't fart, we fluff and we don't discuss such delicate matters  right?).


The boy had a dentist appt.  Because of the extreme trauma involved with a trip to the dentist, he was promised donuts if he was good.  Today the boy was good!  No screaming, no biting of the dentist, no holding down of the boy by the burly dentist.  He earned the donuts. Oh and no cavities! 


So after alex’s dental appt we stop over at Bakers to get him a donut (yeah I know right after the dentist, but hey he didn’t bite the dentist because of the donut) and this gals runs me down in the parking lot  “Peanut, Peanut Hi (not my real name of course she was yelling my real name like it's a big secret huh)”  I had no friggin clue who she was…………..and then she said Pam……….I’m like mmmmhmmm kay….Pam?  What Pam's do I know?


Talk about a complete blank! She had shades on and while that didn't help, there was nothing familiar about this person at all.   I nodded and smiled and chatted about the weather. Thankfully the boy was waving his donuts in her face, so that was a distraction from the fact I was standing in front her with my mouth hanging open.

So I run into work and the first I do is look up Pam’s on FB and the couple in my town aren’t her. Crap.  Who was this person?  Was she my personal genie and I failed to make three wishes?  Did she have a big ole giant check, with many zeros on it, just waiting for me in the back of her suv?


The Pam searched returned friends who have children with down syndrome. Lo and behold, up pops ANNE....


OHHHHHHHH Anne!!! Now I know who she is.....duh. She's the admin for our ds group....


geesh.