Roll Out A Welcome Mat And Other Items

Not many people stop by anymore but this has become a sorta kinda journal for me and a place for me to screw around at work (hey don't judge, if they gave me work, I'd work!).  I've added a couple of new links over to the right --------->  They're decorating blogs cause well I'm into decorating now.  Ha!  You couldn't tell if you stopped by my total wreck of a house, but I am.

It all started when my daughter moved out of her brother's (and I said that like he's not my son too wth?) house and got an apartment.  She needed a dresser and asked me to be on the lookout for one being the hoarder shopper than I am, hitting all the Goodwill stores and such.  Well one day not too long ago during my convalescence, I was out shopping, errrr, resting at the Goodwill and lo and behold, there it was!!!  A dresser!  And it was in good shape!  And only 40 smackaroos!  I snapped a photo and texted it to her. She loved it! I bought it for her ( I snatched that tag right off that sucker and conned a big, tough looking, tatted up dude in the back of Goodwill to lug it to the car, since I just had my baby basket ripped out and all) and told her we could paint it together for her birthday. And I was bitten by the painted furniture bug!!!

 Here it is!! Ain't she a beaute? Seriously?  The hardware is even way kewl!!!

So far the dresser has two coats of primer and its first coat of a medium gray. We're gonna spray paint the hardware a shiny black. She picked the colors. She wants her bedroom colors to be gray, black, yellow and white.  It's really turning out nicely, considering I have no artsy/crafty talent whatsoever!!!

This is it, it's white in this photo because it's just been primed.  Ignore the messy garage please (ya'll are jealous of the Christmas moose peeking his head around the corner ain't cha? and I have a pool - a blue plastic pool)!

I now have secret plans to hunt down a sidetable or endtable and refurbish it with a yellow chalk paint and a dark wax - see I've been all over that decorating shit. Or maybe a funky mirror...for a Christmas present.  My mom is making her a quilt out of her color choices because she's been having a hard time finding something she likes.

Once this stupid job of mine quits making me work 12 hrs a day, 6 days a week - yes you heard that right - I am hoping to get myself to the thrift stores and doing some more poppin tags shopping and find something that will work!!! I tole you I was bitten!!! It is a lot of fun and you honestly can't mess up all that bad and if you do - just sand it down and re-paint it again!!! LOL Plus it's fun to purchase a product called KILZ......makes you feel like Tony Soprano.....

A Change Will Do You Good

Yesterday marked the changing of the guard so to speak.  I quit my job of three years. I know, I know.  Those of you who know me, realize I change jobs, often.  The pattern is about every two years.  I made this one last three. Bully for me.  Why am I hearing a british accent in my head?

I wanted this one to last. I had plans to retire out of this one.  Don't laugh. I did.  They had some good perks, gave people stocks and nice bonuses etc.  But what you don't see in the brochures is the pain inflicted upon some employees behind the scenes.

I've been in the same "career" (career sounds lofty I must say) for gulp, 17 years now.  I know my shit. I'm not one to toot my own horn (beep beep) but I'm pretty good at it....well now I've been told that so get that hand off your hip!  I like what I do, I like working on a team.  What's not to love about me, ammmmmIIIIrrrrighttt?  But man did my boss have a burr up her butt with me.

She liked me when I started. After all she hired me as a contractor.  Oh she made the occasional offhand remark that I'd take her job....I should have seen the signs then...the big red flag of insecurity waving right then and there......but I chuckled and told her I didn't want it and I was sincere, I didn't want it.  All I wanted was to come to work, do my job, do it well, get a good paycheck and go home.

It was going well until I took a full time position with "a Nuther Company" after 1 1/2 yrs.  A big mistake.  A ginormous mistake. I knew in my heart of hearts it was wrong, but I let myself get influenced by the full time status and benefits. So I quit this job.  Ugh.  Within a week I knew it was a bad deal.  I asked to come back to the original gig within 3wks....and I was back in 4 wks.  But I had lost all my senority and all my good projects. And my good graces.  I deserved it.

And not long after, I was hired on as a full time employee.  That was a good thing!  I told myself I was going to retire out of here.  I was not going to job hop! This was it. Then it happened.  Dun Dun Dun (queue the dramatic scene music) I was put on "THE PROJECT FROM HELL" the one none of us wanted, the one that had destroyed others before me.  I had no choice. I had to take it.

It destroyed me as well.  My boss was now made a manager and it went to her head.  She went around saying "because I'm the boss" as a reason for everything. Oh yes she did.....I tried talking to her about TPFH.  Have you figured out yet that she was the reason TPFH was TPFH?  yup.  She bullied me constantly, blaming me for every little problem and issue, even though I couldn't create them alone, being on a "team" and all.  I cried on the way to work. Some mornings I would pull over to the side of road, because I could barely force myself to drive into work!  Eventually after several one on ones with her, she told me I needed to think of my position as more of a job than a career....*heavy sigh*  the writing was on the wall.  That was back in August of 2012.  I started my job hunt shortly after that.  I am one who can only take so much bullying and getting a bonus once a year does not make me forgive and forget (well it would  need a few more zeros at least).  And when it's your boss......what can you do?

We all know how tough the economy is.  I have been looking since the "job not career" comment. I wasn't going to take just anything either.  Who wants to go from bad to worse?  I did get one job offer in January, but I knew it wasn't going to be a good fit and I had to turn it down. I lost a good friend in that deal as well, that hurt!  Little did I know that something better was down the road!

A previous co-worker and I suddenly got in touch.  I started my career with her, oh yeah way back long ago (see above - 17 yrs).   She loves her company and was telling me all about. We talked and chatted - Facebook is fabulous etc and tried to make plans to hook up for lunch. We had to keep cancelling because of work. It became a running a joke!  It took us weeks!  In the meantime... a job popped up in her company....she asked if I was interested........was I interested??? how does HELLS YES sound?

The rest is history.......I start Monday.  Our immediate boss is way cool, the CEO seems way cool.  They want senior level people, responsible, smart people.  Go figure! 

It's a new day, a new dawn....my friends tell me I already look so much better, much happier.  I cannot tell you how much of a burden has been lifted. I owe a big thanks to my friend and I owe her lunch too!  I'll have to post up after a few weeks and let ya'll know how it's going. Maybe there will even be a sock girl, who knows!!!!

Holy Migraines Batman

I've been dealing with vertigo for the past six months or so.  It was the "I just got off the three hour tour and getting my land legs back" type of vertigo.  Well last Thursday morning, early morning, I rolled over in bed and the whole room started spinning.  Dammit.  I had a neurology appt the following Tuesday and I was hoping to make it there before it got worse.

No luck.  So I called my GP and got in.  I got the usual there's nothing we can do for you but give you some Anti-vert.  Great.  Went home and took Anti-vert. Well that made it worse.....nice.  I was spinning every which way and not sleeping at all.  And got very panicky with it.

Called the GP back on Friday, telling him I was worse......so he sent me for a CT scan at 3:30 (in the afternoon, on a Friday before a long weekend).  He ever so nicely managed to leave me a voicemail on the wrong phone (we asked him to call the cell phone as we were picking up the boy) and said the scan was normal and to hang on til the appt on Tuesday.  Well how nice was that? He managed to leave the message late on Friday and was gone before we could call back.  I had to spend the nice, long weekend spinning and avoiding vomitting all over everything and everyone.....not to mention I had to sleep on the couch, propped up, couldn't even get in my own bed!!!  My neck was killing me too.  I was a big baby too, spent several nights, panicked, sobbing to my husband that no one could help me and I can't live my life this way.........wah wah wah.  Of course the weather was gorgeous most of the weekend and I was stuck mostly in the house. I did manage a few minutes in the sun, but the light was hard to take. 

Finally Tuesday arrives.  I can hardly wait to get to the neurologist. I told hubby (did I mention I couldn't drive either?) if he pulls the "nothing we can do blah blah"  we're driving across the street to the ER and they will have to deal with me, I just can't do this anymore....(insert more pity party here).

This guy was a miracle worker.  Right off the bat he said I'm having migraines.  Now I never really believed in migraines, I had the misconception of people with migraines were slackers, looking for some time off. Suck up the headache and get to work right?  WOW! Was I proved wrong....this guy gave me 12 shots of nerve blockers and within 10 mins I was soooo much better!!! It was amaze-balls!  I couldn't believe it.  The room was clearer, the fog had lifted and the pain in my neck was gone!  I couldn't believe how much better I could see, I wouldn't have told you I wasn't seeing clear before those shots!

I'm off all caffeine, all OTC pain killers and no chiropractor and he put me on PT.  I am taking 5 different meds right now......and I've got shots too.  The shots hurt like a you know what....but man do they work quickly!

I'm back at work. Still got some whoozy times but it's good to be back. I haven't slept in my own bed since last Wed and haven't driven a car either.  So weird to get back behind the wheel.

This was one debillitating illness....I can't believe the GP let me go so long.  I now have to get past this crisis and start to prevent them from happening in the future! 

Then and Now

I was chatting with an old friend from grade school (yeah we go back that far) and realized that the situation at work is becoming alot like Jr High.  Full of drama, bullying and general angst.  I've been trying to figure out how to conquer this drama queen.......and come out on top. 

Then and Now a comparison...

Then:  I had acne.  Now:  I have Rosacea.
Then:  I didn't need a bra. The smallest at 32A was too big.  Now: Oh I need a bra alright.  If just to keep from zipping a nip in my jeans
Then:  Are you there God, it's Me Margaret.  Now:  Are you there God, please make it stop!
Then:  David Cassidy made me all warm and tingly  Now:  I just have hot flashes
Then:  I would never dream of french kissing a boy  Now:  The things I'd do to Patrick Dempsey would make a sailor blush
Then:  I was atheletic and into every sport   Now: getting out of bed most mornings feels like the olympics
Then: I could eat a Big Mac, Large Fries, Large Coke and a cherry pie every day for lunch and remain under 98 lbs  Now:  I drive past McDonalds and pick up 5 lbs....
Then:  I wore all the wrong clothes  Now:  Most days I still wear the wrong clothes but once in a while I get it right!
Then:  I was bullied and never fit in.  Now:  I feel like I'm being bullied and still don't fit in.

I guess the big difference is that I can recognize the bully.  But the feelings of being bullied are still there and I'm shutting down.  I'm damn good at my job and no matter how hard the bully tries, she won't beat me at that. However, it's the digs at my clothes or what I eat or even the fake nails I got, that are killing me.   I do know that she is threatened by me as far as work goes.  She sucks at the job and she believes it's beneath her to even do it.  So is she lashing out in attempts to feel better about herself?  Trying to look better by making me look bad? That never works in the long run right?  It may not work in the long run, but in the short run, it's starting to wear me down.  I don't want drama, I have plenty at home.  I just want to go to work, do my job, get my check and go home.

OK...some days I want to be one of the cool kids. I want friends at work, I want to be popular and sought out!!!  The experts say don't give up your power......but how the hell do you do that?  That I was never good at....I give it away free.......sometimes even to the pimply faced teenager at Gas N Shop. Seriously.......how do you do it?

God it feels like Jr High...........and the hell that goes with it!

What a Week!

Been quite a ride.  Alex got more stars than he lost and I got a new job.  WWWWHHHHAAA???

Yeah I know.  I wasn't happy at the new place. Old technology, old hens to deal with, a wishy washy boss who didn't give me much confidence and a project the size of Texas - with me as the only resource!!  When the opportunity presented itself to go back to my old job, I jumped on it.

I know I know.  I'm a basketcase right?  You shouldn't just quit a job.  But I am at the age (ancient) where life is getting way too short and I already have more than my share of stress and heartache.....I don't want to spend 9 hrs a day miserable and hating every minute of that 9 hours!  Now was the time to do it, I made a mistake and I fixed it.  I apologized to the people I've inconvenienced and moved on.

Looking forward to going back.  I really liked it there.  Oh sure, work is work.....but at least I wasn't miserable!  I'm sure I'll have a few days of ribbing and generally being made fun of, but that's what I liked about it!

Mish Mash

My life is pretty boring.  I'd love to log on here and tell you about my latest trip to Bora Bora or how Brad REEEE-LLY wanted to leave Angelina for me...but alas......I cannot tell a lie.  Snore City.....

Our sprinklers broke.  Good thing it was only 102 yesterday and not 105.  I had to drag out the hoses and water the 3 day old bushes and flowers, which had wilted down to almost nothing.  Bets on how long it takes to get fixed? Yeah Mr Handiman is all over it....which worries me. And the $150 dollars worth of plants? My guess cripsy critters by Thursday.  And all that rain we've been getting? Oh yeah...that STOPPED.......

The dogs are driving me nuts.  They're bored too.  We got out over the weekend, but last night was too dang hot.  So Stanford is chewing the eyes off of stuffed animals.  It's very disturbing to look down and see a one eyed frog staring back up at you.  He had a very accusatory look too (like don't you have any control over this beast)....thank God we don't have a Chuckie Doll or I would have run for the hills or the nearest exorcist!   And the little dog? Apparently pooping outside is just want too much of an indignity so we crap in the house.  And for good measure we make sure some gets stuck in the fur so mommy has to hike me upside down and pick it off.   Hey it's negative attention, but it's attention right?  I would mention the non stop barking at people/dogs walking by, but why ruin a good thing? 

The kid started his new daycare. Yeah we've pretty much kicked and bitten everyone in our class, including a few teachers.  I don't want to even know the odds of getting kicked out of this one.....

Well off to the hellhole....errrr...work. No I'm still not liking it.  I think I made a mistake taking this job, but I'm stuck. So I have to figure out how to make the best of it.  Which is not my strong suit.

Aren't you glad you stopped by????  Don't you all feel better about your life????

Day 2 has morphed into Day 4

Not really feeling it today either.  I'm trying.  I just feel lost and lonely and on my own.  I don't do well with those feelings. I'm missing my friends from the old job and feeling blue.

For a company that touts itself as friendly and a "great group of people" my team sure isn't.  No one talks, no one comes over and I feel left out.  And they don't have straws, silverware nor crushed ice. So I decided to head out for lunch, get out in the sun and fresh air. I headed to Boston Market. Nothing like meat and green veggies to liven spirits (only thing besides actual spirits that liven spirits!) and make me feel better. I was dying for my iced tea too. Iced tea is my crack, ok???

Walked into Boston Market and up to the counter.  Yup Brisket sounds good, now for my sides....WHOA! Holy carb overload Batman!  Sweet taters with marshmallows, white taters, cornbread stuffing, apples and corn.  My heart sank. I can't eat any of that! Now I know for sure the whole world is against me (if you ain't for me, then yur agin me).  Poor wittle me.  *sniff*

I finally figure out that they have salad! Ahhhhhh...sweet sweet lettuce (I keep telling myself).  And to pick the other side (after all the brisket meal comes with 2 sides), I told them no thanks I can't eat any of the other sides.  The nice gal then mentions their green beans which aren't out front, cause they only last 30 mins.  OK....I'll have the 30 min green beans and ICED TEA!!! 

But wait..what in all that is holy is this red sign on the tea machine???? OUT OF UNSWEET TEA???? WTF???  How do you have sweet tea but not unsweet?  Don't you make sweet tea from unsweet tea???  Doesn't unsweet tea + sugar, sugar and more sugar = sweet tea?  I can do the math.....  WAAHHHHH!!!!  So I insisted they remove the drink charge from my bill and I not so kindly tossed the cup and ice back at them - no I do not want Diet Pepsi thank you very much, I wanted UNSWEET TEA.  Humph! Who doesn't have unsweet tea in Nebraska??? The capital of unsweet tea!!! And I had to wait for them to whip up the 30 min green beans too.  Lots of foot tapping and irritation ensued. I made sure I flounced out of there with my 30 min green beans too!!!!

The drive was nice.  The sun felt good. I feel better now that I've eaten. The lettuce was crisp, in fact I'm pretty sure everyone heard me chewing it, it was so fresh (and it's sooo friggin quiet in here).  I made cold brew unsweet tea using the bowling ball sized ice cubes. It's not the same as using crushed ice and having freshly brewed tea but it'll do. 

I do have to say if previously aforementioned job would call and beg me to come back, I'd go.  But I am settling down here and trying not to be so needy.  But that's hard when you feel needy!

And I'm trying to remember the folks in Joplin who are still searching for their missing loved ones.  My life ain't so bad after all..

When did it become OK to protest funerals?

I missed a memo somewhere.  When did it become socially acceptable to protest a funeral? Miss Manners has to be rolling over in her grave!

Sunday we went for a drive. OK I confess, I made hubby drive me down to the new job so I knew which building and parking lot I'd be in.  I'm dorky that way.  If I don't do that, I get all heebie jeebie the first day and end up doing stupid shit like going in the exit and running over the poor ole security guard in his shack....but I digress.  On the drive, we hit a main intersection.  Over to the left, were about 8 freaks people holding signs.  With such witty sayings as "God is your Enemy" "USSR Rules" and something about Fags.  Huh.  They were dressed oddly too. I looked up the street and saw that the funeral home parking lot was full. Great.  The Jonesboro (wish it was Jonestown, here's your koolaid, have a nice day) church was in town, protesting a military funeral.  My heart sank.  Of course I've heard of them, but had never witnessed it personally.  It hit me in the gut like Mike Tyson.  I wanted to stop and get out and smack some sense into them but thankfully I was wearing no bra, my hair was a mess, no makeup and ratty shorts.  Not sure the cops could've told me from the wack jobs, so I stayed in the car.  As we drove past the funeral home, I saw the motorcycles lined up in the parking lot.  Good Freedom riders.  I cried the rest of the way to my new job.

No grieving family should have to put up with this crap.  I know I know freedom of speech.  Yes we all have it.  But feel free to express yourself at some other time, not holding dumbass signs on the street corner, dressed like Rainbow Brite threw up on you, so a grieving family can see it all.  These military families give up alot already, give them some dignity and peace.  That soldier gave his/her life so you could have freedom......so give it a rest and protest the war at another time and place.  When did Freedom of speech replace common sense and common decency?  Dress like a normal human being and some of us might even listen, during the appropriate time and place. 

Turns out the funeral wasn't military .  Turns out the deceased died in motorcycle accident and his dad or uncle is a retired judge.  The protesters apparently were ticked off about a decision this judge made.  I'm guessing they petitioned the court to have the right to have sex with their farm animals and he had the gall to rule DENIED! Friggin idiots.  And all the motorcycles?  Buddies. 

It really hit me hard.  Obnoxious, rude, crude and moronic.  Next time, carry a sign that says "Stupid is as stupid does" or I know....when you really want attention, call up Jerry Springer! I hear he actually pays you to be stupid.  You get your freedom of speech and all the attention you could ever want.   You might even be able to have sex with your farm animals on the show!!!!  Leave grieving families alone. They have enough on their plates without you f*ckheads displaying less sense than God gave cabbage! God bless the man who died, his family and those of you who drove by this hornets nest of idiots and flipped them off!

Amen.

Day 2 or How I Usually Manage to Talk Myself Out of a New Job

I've switched jobs a few times in my career (shut up Sarah) and I should be use to this by now. My usual MO (I have mad CSI skills) is to love love love the job when I'm offered it, be nervous to the point of barfing on Day 1 and I hate it Day 2. Besides Sarah decided she just had to go to training today and I have no one to email and kvetch too.

Yup today I'm not liking it. It's not everything my other job was and it's too quiet and no one is talking to me.  I'm just sitting here like a lump, writing my blog.  I want to go back to my old job. Where it was comfortable and I had friends and distractions.......Here my only friends were gals in my orientation class who work in another building, there's no water machine (I know right), there's an ice machine but the ice cubes are the size of canteloupes,  it's too quiet (I can hear myself chewing lettuce - God forbid I accidentally break wind, they'll hear me on the third floor and the windows will rattle), no one has reached out to me but one person, no one has asked me to lunch, my new dress clothes are itchy and the crotch keeps riding down, dammit I want a burger and fries, but I'm eating my meat and cheese like a good little brainwashed Atkins girl and they put me in a cube where everyone walks up behind me (do you know how much I hate that and how I really hate it on Day 2?????) !!! Could I pout any more than that?

The old company just contacted me about a job in Austin. I would LOVE it, but they want programming experience and that's not this old broad.  So back to square one and Day 2....

I know it will take me a few weeks to adjust.  It always does.  Take a chill pill and go with the flow.  This is how I roll. By next week I'll love it.  Right now I'm not seeing it. Call me Pouty McPouty Face..go ahead I dare you!

Goodbyes and Hellos

I ended my contracting stint yesterday as I accepted a full time job at another company.  It was hard to say goodbye.  I genuinely liked the people I worked with and the work I was doing.  But a girl's gotta eat and pay bills right?

I promised myself when I took this job, I wouldn't switch anytime soon. Those that know me, know I've worked alot of places.  Some I wasn't happy at, some just gave up with the economy, others I was pissed off and moved on.  But this one I liked, other than it was contracting, with minimal benefits.

When hubby started contracting too, our insurance premiums went skyhigh.  Then the new employer came along, tempting me with 10% 401(k) matching and much lower premium costs.  And an opportunity to lead a team......an offer I couldn't refuse.

So I broke the promise to myself and accepted the job.  I have the pre-job jitters and girgling stomach to go along with it. I'll be fine, I know I will.....I've started over alot. 

This time is bittersweet as I said goodbye to some good people, a casual work environment (I had to go buy all new clothes - oh the pain of that! Thank God I've lost 27 lbs recently!!!) with little pressure and where I knew everyone and everything (well not quite, but close!). 

Wish me luck on Monday!   Diving in headfirst.....