Sock Girl

Yes she was an urban legend.  No one believed she existed. Only I saw her, on rare occasions, at the watering hole.....no one believed......until...

Whilst walking down the aisleway at work I screamed "Thar she be"  Oh wait, that's Moby Dick..."that's her! That's Sock Girl!!!!"

She did not fail to dazzle. 

She is a cute girl, maybe 22 or 23, blond wavy hair and always and I mean ALWAYS wears a black skirt (and trust me it's been a cold spell here - brave soul still wearing a skirt), a fairly neutral top and the weirdest dang sock/shoe combos I have ever seen.  The day I spotted her in rainbow colored socks, up over her knees with matching silver lame, high heel sandals was the best.  But my co-workers didn't believe me. They didn't see her, she must not exist.  Apparently I had had the type of stroke that makes you see odd knee socks! 

I felt much like a Bigfoot hunter.  People rolled their eyes as I  ran hysterically from the room frantially whispered "she's wearing glo in the dark green socks with bugs on them!" (I promise I was very discrete as to not spook Sock Girl).  For the love of God people I swear she was just there.   More head shaking and something about "bless her heart"  I began to wonder if at some point in my life I had experienced an anal probe......

But one day, something drew Sock Girl from her cube at the same time as Ms Thang (my cube mate) and I were walking back from the employee death cafe....there she was, in all her over-the-knee sock glory! I was vindicated!  She was real!  I was not crazy, but then I was quickly reminded that I was probably still crazy, just not about this......

I'm thinking of starting a reality show now.  Kind of a "Swamp Boys" meets "Pit Boss" meets "Hillbilly Handfishin'" meets "Cyndi Lauper"  Now for a name.........

Shameless steal of Looking Back

I stole this from Sarah.  I have no shame and no imagination either! Go figure.

I'm sure this journey will be short and fairly painless...specially if you're already hitting the hooch for New Years!

January...

Apparently there was a lot of vomit in January and dog poop.  And snow. And we all fell in love with Steven Tyler (again).

February

Was lame.  Only one post and it was about a giveaway.  And I was not lucky enough to win. Whatevs. Let's skip February...

March

And I skipped March too...........(who sucks at blogging?)

April

I was finding God and wishing for Spring.  Thank God I posted about something......anything...

May

Was a trip. There was the Facebook come on,  I changed jobs and then changed back. I whined alot.  The signs were there yet I moved forward only to step back.  Lessons learned.  There was a moment of lost glasses.... (i'm beginning to see I have a flare towards the dramatic....)

June

Awww summer...........trips to the zoo, changing jobs, warm sunlight.........runaway doggies....

July

My birthday month! I wish I got a whole month.....but I barely got the day!  Grandpa gave me a ride to work one day..........when my stoopid car left me on the side of the road yet again!

August

Oh no! Not the end of summer? Noooooo!  But I had a windfall in the month of August and turns out it was cursed.  Gave it to the daughter to break the curse. Then we had a bit of a family reunion (which may have been the curse continuing to curse me).

September

Was hilarious.  The only post......a small furry animal bite......

October

I was framed I tell ya.....I was framed.   And I got very serious....

November

Did I give thanks or not.  Kinda sorta.......maybe?

December

We got down with Crazy Pet Parents and went to clown school. 

All and all........a pretty quiet year. I'll take quiet over some of the drama we've had in the past.  Looking forward to a new year, with hopefully some positive, exciting changes!

Happy New Year ya'll!

Freudian?

Alex wanted a "Stanford" toy for Christmas. What is that you ask?  It's a stuffed Golden...yeah he has the real thing but wanted a toy one too!

So Santa was kind enough to bring not only a Stanford but a Sammie too! 

Stanford carries around the Sammie doll and chews it and Sammie carries around the Stanford one (even though it's as big as she is) and chews it.  Go figure.......

Crazy Pet Parents

You're out shopping at the mall and suddenly..BAM!  You run into your old high school nemesis.  You smile, run your fingers through your hair while she tells you how long it's been and you look great. Then she starts in with her kids. Of course they're perfect......she's a crazy "My Kids Are Fab-U-Lous" parent.  The oldest won his mock trials at law school, the middle one is interning for Obama (and you think Geezus I wouldn't brag about that...) and the youngest just won her fourth pagent.  Now she waits for you to brag on yours - sort of boring into your skull.  Your jaw drops and the left side of your face looks like Bell's Palsy as you try to come with something your kids have done that can top all that.... "Ummmm my oldest just lettered in high school (yeah he just got his second DUI and MIP) and the youngest was just voted "Most Likely To" (oh and she did, she's knocked up by the 35 yr old clerk at the 7-11, who still lives with his mom, but hey he's gonna make Assistant Manager by Christmas!)."  You nod a few more times, pull the left side of your face into a fake smile, tell her oh yes, let's do lunch soon and walk away thinking "Geezus she's still a bitch, 30 lbs heavier and no f*cking way are her kids that perfect!"  Mumble, mumble, mumble.....

Now crazy pet parents are just as bad.  I wasn't one for a long time. Oh I had a few cats in my day...one I loved, old Henry.  He weighed 26lbs and was a lover.  Dumb ass ate 2 ft of cord one day and had to be put to sleep.  So my pet braggin rights didn't present themselves often....until I got dogs. Welcome to Crazy Dog Lady Land.......oh I dress up the little one and put antlers on the big, dumb one and talk baby talk to them.  I will whip out my smart phone and show people in line at the grocery store how d@mn cute they are (while they flash me the Bell's Palsy smile). One day, while out running errands, my co-pilot on my lap (the little one in case you couldn't guess) I stopped at a light and looked over...Lo and Behold! It was another adorable little white dog! OMG!  We made the dogs wave at each other while we mouthed "OMF*CKINGGODHOW CUTEISTHISLOOKIT'SANOTHERLITTELWHITEDOGOMG"  Then we made them sing California Gurls and rap with Snoop until the light turned green again.  Yes I totally did this. And in my defense, so did the woman and her teenage daughter in the other car.

Yesterday I was gettin' my hair did and I really love my stylist (sounds so important huh - that's hows I roll).  "Cee" I'll call her (no it's not Cee lo Green, but if I was bff's with Cee lo, I'd totally call him Cee and we'd ride around in a pimped up '67 chevy, riddin' dirty, singing I'm sorry I can't afford a Ferrari", drinkin' gin and juice 7-up...but I digress. I can't decide if I have one wicked imagination or I'm bi-polar - you pick) to protect her identity is a dog mommy. She has no 2 legged kids, just the 4 legged kind (both boxers).  She dresses them up in costumes (they had giant afros this year) and even has matching raincoats with boots, so their paws don't get wet. When she gives them a bath, she puts the towels in the dryer for 20 mins so they have toasty warm towels to dry off with. Hell my poor kid barely gets a clean one most days, let alone heated.   So while she was covering the gray.... applying beautiful highlights, she tells me with a straight face............her husband loaded the dogs up in the car the other night and drove them around to look at Christmas lights......

I think I've been trumped......

Have A Nice Trip...........

I bet you're all excited and happy for me...........she's going somewhere fab for Christmas right?  Hawaii or Spain.......or the Galapogos............

Nope.  Saturday morning after groggily climbing out of bed, scooping up the little dog I headed for the stairs and took one step.  One step, then landed rather harshly on the landing........almost like gliding down the full six steps, except I left behind skin and some pride.  Yeah I fell down the stairs!  Graceful no doubt and amusing, however no one saw it except it the two pooches and trust me after three Greenies each, they ain't tellin'!

I'm too old for this crap. I could have broken a hip!  But honestly I checked the nails first, as I grabbed carpet and bars mid flight......didn't break a one neither - real or fake!  I recommend the new Shellac polish!  Survives even the toughest spills.......

Most damaged was the left elbow.  It lost some skin and has a nasty bruise.  My back was torqued too, cause I knew if I landed on the little dog, I'd kill her.  So yeah I pretty much saved her life (well let's not mention that I pretty much put her in the position of needed saving at the same time). 

On Monday night, I was out Christmas shopping at Shopko, cause that's hows I roll............and hubby was home with the boy and the dogs. Apparently the big dog had worked up a mighty thirst lying in his kennel all day cause hubby walked crossed the kitchen floor, performed a banana peel split and landed flat on his back...............because of drippings from the water dish....... and because I had mopped the kitchen floor on Saturday (I know right? after my back was severely injured from my tumble, but the boy had had an accident.....and I haven't mopped in 3 years....in a long time.....so it could have used some sprucing up) so there was no grit and crumbs for traction! Poor guy, he could see his reflection while he writhed on the floor........

Hubby is fine too, more bruised ego than anything.  Seriously though.........it's like Clown School around here..........bring on the big, floppy shoes and squirting flowers. The shoes outta be a big help on the stairs............ and I all I want for Christmas is a Medic Life Alert bracelet or the fashionable pendant....either or......

Then and Now

I was chatting with an old friend from grade school (yeah we go back that far) and realized that the situation at work is becoming alot like Jr High.  Full of drama, bullying and general angst.  I've been trying to figure out how to conquer this drama queen.......and come out on top. 

Then and Now a comparison...

Then:  I had acne.  Now:  I have Rosacea.
Then:  I didn't need a bra. The smallest at 32A was too big.  Now: Oh I need a bra alright.  If just to keep from zipping a nip in my jeans
Then:  Are you there God, it's Me Margaret.  Now:  Are you there God, please make it stop!
Then:  David Cassidy made me all warm and tingly  Now:  I just have hot flashes
Then:  I would never dream of french kissing a boy  Now:  The things I'd do to Patrick Dempsey would make a sailor blush
Then:  I was atheletic and into every sport   Now: getting out of bed most mornings feels like the olympics
Then: I could eat a Big Mac, Large Fries, Large Coke and a cherry pie every day for lunch and remain under 98 lbs  Now:  I drive past McDonalds and pick up 5 lbs....
Then:  I wore all the wrong clothes  Now:  Most days I still wear the wrong clothes but once in a while I get it right!
Then:  I was bullied and never fit in.  Now:  I feel like I'm being bullied and still don't fit in.

I guess the big difference is that I can recognize the bully.  But the feelings of being bullied are still there and I'm shutting down.  I'm damn good at my job and no matter how hard the bully tries, she won't beat me at that. However, it's the digs at my clothes or what I eat or even the fake nails I got, that are killing me.   I do know that she is threatened by me as far as work goes.  She sucks at the job and she believes it's beneath her to even do it.  So is she lashing out in attempts to feel better about herself?  Trying to look better by making me look bad? That never works in the long run right?  It may not work in the long run, but in the short run, it's starting to wear me down.  I don't want drama, I have plenty at home.  I just want to go to work, do my job, get my check and go home.

OK...some days I want to be one of the cool kids. I want friends at work, I want to be popular and sought out!!!  The experts say don't give up your power......but how the hell do you do that?  That I was never good at....I give it away free.......sometimes even to the pimply faced teenager at Gas N Shop. Seriously.......how do you do it?

God it feels like Jr High...........and the hell that goes with it!

Seriously - An Update

When I went to find an instrument of doom for the big hairy ass spider....I came back and found that he  had made a mad escape!  Not sure where or how either, which is way creepy.Not really sure if it was a "he" they say the female spider is bigger.......holy shit! His mother is bigger??? OMFG!

So I might get morning 4 of Nightmare on 165th Street! or Spider Eats Little Dog, film at 11.

Seriously

These are things that have made me go Seriously?  for the past week.

I get up in the morning 30 mins before Prince Charming (aka DH).  So once I'm done in the shower, I have to shut off all the lights in the bathroom, open the door to the dark bedroom, tiptoe carefully (to avoid stepping on dogs or in dog puke or worse) to my dresser and open my underwear drawer. It never fails, every morning, the first pair I pull out are my old maternity (ginormous) whitey's (the kid is almost 12 now, so why are they still in my drawer - seriously).  I mean from month 8.5 with a 10lb baby.  Needless to say, they fall right off after I try to hike them up  (and not fall over from balancing on one leg, in the dark - mustn't wake sleeping beauty during his extra 30 mins). The second pair is always the old holy rollers.  Actually "holey" is more like it....cause they're barely being held together by a thin thread of elastic.  In the dark I can't even tell which holes my legs go into.  Pair number three is ultimately the sexy thong. You know the one I only wear on DH's birthday.  Sorry folks I'm almost 50, thongs don't do it for me at work. No one wants to watch me squirm in my chair all day, picking at my crack......Finally, the last pair is the one! Hey they're not granny panties...I'll have you know they're hi-cut briefs!  Seriously...

For the past three mornings, I have had to kill what I can only describe as huge hairy ass spiders. The kind that make a shadow on the wall as they walk by. Even the big dog won't go near them.  I know it's Halloween but I'm not running a haunted house here, a dirty house maybe but not haunted. I thought this morning I was safe...but nope I get up from my computer and there it is, Giant, Hairy, Gross Spider on the stairs.....So I get to go grab a shoe and crunch the sucker, if he doesn't leap for my juglar vein or eat the little dog first.......Seriously!

Had to hit the grocery store last night.  We were out of the oddest items and I realized that going in, but I had DH in the car, waiting on me, so I had no time for shame.  I came in the door by the pharmacy and spotted my beloved Immodium AD.  It's been off the market for a few months now, due to a shortage. I've been taking the generic crap, which means twice the pills.  Let me sum this up by saying I have IBS and horrible cramping all the time (doubled over, doing lamaze breathing cramps for no apparent reason other than my bowel is irritated - seriously). Immodium AD is my wonder drug.  I almost danced in the aisle when I saw it!!!  Then I got sugar free jello (hello Atkins dieter here), some chocolate chip muffins (for the boy) and a Lunchable.  So Mr Fifteen Year Old Know It All With The Talking Zit On Your Forehead at the checkout counter........did I need your comments on my items?  No I do not have the flu and what's it to you?  If you'd like a full-on 45 minute discussion on IBS and Atkins, I could oblige, if DH wasn't impatiently  patiently waiting in the car.....Seriously.......that was a buzzkill on my Immodium AD treasure hunt.........only wish I needed tampons to go with it all...........

On Sunday (before the grocery store trip see item 3 above) we needed dinner.  Hell to the no I wasn't cooking and it's hard to make dinner from a single serve Mac N Cheese bowl, a can of mushrooms and some dry meatloaf mix.  I was watching a self induced Sex and The City marathon and do you have any idea how many times they eat chinese in that series??? So I suggested Panda Express to hubby.  We really don't have much for good chinese out by where I live.  You typically take your chances with any of them. Plus I needed a drive thru, as I hadn't done anything with my rat's nest hair in 2 days. So hubby gets Orange Chicken, I get a 2 entree deal and the boy loves chow mein.  I drive all the way up there, with the dogs mind you as I can't leave the house without the dogs, and get home only to find they didn't give hubby the entree, but the side order. He had 4 pieces of chicken in a tiny box!  Of course it was my fault apparently.......which I guess I should have double checked, but it's hard when you have a little white dog head buried in the bag......Seriously..........

Because You Care

I got the infamous collage frame hung up.  All by myself....ok hubby helped me hang the "template" but I did the rest!  He deserves very little credit, considering all the bitching he did.....

I asked him how it looked and he said he didn't recognize anyone in the photos!!!  ROTFL....well they are all better looking than us and they are having way more fun than we ever did!!!

I was Framed!

I can't remember if I posted much about taking family photos. Oh yeah it's coming back to me now.... but we got the final proofs up and of course they're magnificent (ah hem).

So we're all deciding which ones to order etc.  Well me in my infinite wisdom and decorating flair, decided I wanted a collage frame.  A big one to hang over the loveseat in the family room.  Loveseat, Family Room, Family Pictures, it all goes together...right?  I'm brillant (mental note, apply for America's Next Top Designer show on HGTV).  So let the hunt begin. I do this very methodically. Get the frame first, then the pics sized to match the frame. Cool huh?  Welllll......lemme tell you....these collage frames are the spawns of Satan.

Since there are 11 of us in alot of the photos, we're mostly positioned landscape.  Alot of the frames have mostly portrait arranged slots.  I was thinking of having my mom and dad's shot in 8x10 and the others in various smaller sizes around it. There again, most were arranged portrait and not landscape.  WUGH.  I was dizzy with sizes and arrangements and blah blah.

On Friday I headed up to Gordmans. Got off work a bit early and had to time shop.  Lo and Behold! A miracle at last!  A big beautfiul frame, mostly landscape with an 8x10, 2 5x7's 4 6x4's and 3 4x4's.  I'm in heaven!  It's even green which matches the family room.  I hug this big ole frame as I grab gently lift it off the shelf.  I am Queen of all that is decorating and coordinating. I will rule the world of family photo display. I will be the envy of all my family and friends.........next stop.....The Louvre...ya know to help them "arrange" the paintings in a more aesthetically pleasing manner...

I get it home and lug it in the house.  Still beaming with pleasure and pride, I immediately take a picture of it to send my mom, who will weep with jealousy when she sees it........after all it is the PERFECT collage frame.  Until...............I measure the small cutouts...............

I am in shock.  I must not have measured right. This can't be happening to me.  The room spins and I measure 2 more times.......rulers don't lie (unless they're Bin Laden or Obama) the small windows are 3.5x3.5 not 4x4's!!!! WTF????   I dash down to surf the interweb.  To my horror, no one, but no one, prints photos out in 3.5x3.5!! Not Kinko's, not Snapfish, Not Shutterfly.  Nope not even the print shop in North Korea could help a sistah out.

I surfed for an hour and went up and re-measured yet again.  Nope- still 3.5x3.5.  I cried.  Seriously. I cried like a child who's lollipop was stolen by the mean ole creepy clown at the circus.  My ultimate in decorating planning was shot to hell.  I couldn't go on. I was crushed. I sobbed - I had hoped that tear stained, swollen eyes would somehow grow those 3 slots a 1/2 inch bigger all the way around...something, anything. I stomped my foot, I called the frame a dirty rotten whore and a sonofabitch......but really all that did was make the dogs cower behind the chair....

So this morning, defeated, I took it back to the store.  I told it I was sad and disappointed in it.  It let me down. I had dreams......and those dreams now lay shattered in the back seat.  My shoulders hunched and my head hung down.  The sales clerk added insult to injury by reminding me I had gotten 15% off and she'd have to take that into account. Ok fine whatever........charge me for being a failure..go ahead.

I decided to head to Bed, Bath and Beyond.  I saw some frames online and wanted to see them up close and personal. I have to say, our store in town is a dump.  What a mess.  I bet the store in Joplin Missouri looked better after the tornado than this one does right now. Yish.  Anyhow, this is the frame set I settled upon.  Yeah it's kewl and all, but guess what? No one friggin prints 4x4's or 6x6's. Goddammit.  What is wrong with you framing people?  Do the same people who put 8 hot dogs and 12 hot dog buns in a package design collage frames?  Is this a conspiracy?  Is decorating this hard for anyone else or is it me????? 

I found Zazzle online and they allow custom print sizes. We'll see if the two I selected will print decent. If they don't, I swear I am getting scotch tape and putting them all up on the refrigerator door...screw it!

Making Moutains out of Mole Bites

We come home the other night (I know you're all in shock that we were out) and I let our 4 footed friends outside and the big one runs right over to the window well.  Typically that is the doggie signal for "There's a toad down there and I really want to get it but I'm too fat to bend over"  So I go over and peer into the well and lo and behold, tis not a toad but a mole.  And it's stuck in between the screen and the window.

Obviously this is a job for the man of the house.  Not that I couldn't bring myself to fish it out but hey that's one of the reasons I got married.....to fish moles out of window wells and put gas in my car! So I summoned hubby to the backyard and showed him the situation (Not The Situation, our situation) and he realizes, albeit slowly, that he has to get the thing out. He would leave it, but the thought of it dying and rotting in there all winter skeeved him out more than grabbing the damn thing and throwing it in the garbage. 

He goes into the house and grabs a plastic bag.  Now typically when we have "vistors" in the window wells, he dons full combat gear, head to toe (in case toads spit or baby bunnies attack) but tonight he didn't.  I had premonition this wasn't going to end well.......

I was out front doing ladylike things (watering the weeds... english garden) and he comes around the corner, bleeding.  The mole bit him!  I'm psychic!

The first words out of his mouth? "OMG! Should I go the emergency room?"  I'm all for ER trips, when you have a REAL emergency, not sure about a mole bite.  He had the mole in the bag, apparently the little bugger bit him through the bag (it was not a hefty bag, shoulda used the hefty honey).  He prompty slams the mole into the driveway, thus ending his revenge and runs into the house to scrub vigorously.

I immediately ran to my computer to put it all on Facebook (as you do in emergencies...am I right?).  He comes back to me, all sterile, for me to look at it.  I can barely see broken skin. He's still wanting to go the emergency room at this point.  He's sure he has rabies now. 

I try to calm him down (so I stop laughing hysterically and posting more comments on FB) and tell him to google moles and see if they even carry rabies.  He has car keys in his hand, in case he needs to make a mad dash for the hospital, but decides to call his doctor first.

I'm pretty sure the doctor on call, on a Saturday night at 7:30pm, was beyond thrilled to get this call.  Turns out moles don't typically carry rabies and the worst he could get is mild infection.

So hubby lubes up with 3 tubes of neosporin and a container of band-aids.  We keep the last tube of neosporin close by, in case we break out in sudden infection..........

My friends on FB told me to put foamy toothpaste around his mouth after he fell asleep.  I did think about it, but the panic and subsequent ER and mental health professional bills I would incur after pulling a prank like this, deterred me. I did chuckle off  and on throughout the rest of the evening. And threw out little tid bits like... "Do you think we have Ebola in the US?" and "Honey bubonic plaque has been erradicated, right?"  Cause I'm loving like that...........

Oh and the mole? It's our freezer....just in case.........

The Whole Fam Damily

We had almost everyone at the house yesterday. My youngest brother and his wife didn't make it for dinner, as her daughter was in town from Texas, so they wanted dinner with them more than us. Whatevs! Coming to one of my brillant candle light suppers or seeing your kid.....it's a tosser.

We did family pictures for my parent's 50th anniversary.  The actual anniversary is Nov 18th and the party is the 20th but we had to do pics now.  You see, my brothers and dad hunt, and well hunting trumps everything....including The Donald or giving birth or dying (do not dare to die or get married during hunting season - plan accordingly).  Next week is opening season of something.....so this weekend was it.

We went to a gorgeous park and I think we got some good shots. A good friend of mine did the photography and she didn't even charge us! She's building her portfolio (she said next year we won't be able to afford her....LOL).  The boy was being a bit of a pain and melted down about half way thru. And frankly at 83 degrees and very little wind, I was melting too.  I'm excited to see them, prolly take a week.  Yes if her photographs aren't highly secure, I will post a few. Or check facebook.  If you know me and we're friends that is! If you're just a creepy stalker....then forgetaboutit.

Oh and we have cake.  It was also my brother's anniversary.  So if you want some chocolate cake with buttercream frosting, stop on by.  I think I got enough to feed the eastern seaboard.....but they're busy with weather.

Time to head back to the OR

It's that time once again. We can't seem to go a year without ending up in the OR.  I swear.

No not Oregon, I wish.  The operating room.  El super duper tooth grinder has broken 2 of his 3 fillings, so back to the OR. While we're in there, we might as well do an endoscopy right?  Sure.  Pile it on.

It will be nice to get some answers from the GI docs. They didn't want to put him under just so they could "take a peek" so the timing worked out.

Insurance.............that's another story...for another day.

I see summer winding down

and I hate it.  I abso-friggin-lutely love summer. And I abso-friggin-lutely HATE winter.  Hate is a strong word and it fits.

Oh sure it was hot this year. Way hot.  Crazy hot.  If I was rich enough to have my very own pool (besides the plastic Walmart one I do possess, oh you're jealous-you know it) I wouldn't have even minded that.  I love the sunshine and the flowers and all the things to do and see. I love vacations and pools and fruity umbrella drinks. I love tank tops and shorty shorts and flip flops.  I like that you can run out at 9pm and still have daylight.Corn on the cob, steaks on the grill, dining al fresco.......

I am hanging on with a white knuckled death grip to summer.  But no matter how hard I try, I will not stop winter.  Unless I move...........which is a good thought!

Middle school, dreams and shots

Shots.  I knew you'd read that first.  Oh I wish shots of tequila.........but alas.....it was a shot in the foot.  And not with a glock, a long, shiny needle...in my heel.  Read previous post. My foot feels better but that shot was not pleasant.  Forget waterboarding......give terrorists sharp, shiny needles in their foot!!!

Middle school. The boy starts middle school today. Shiver.  He use to ride the daycare van to school and back and this year I'm taking him.  So he has to figure out how to get out of the car.  Doesn't sound so tricky, but he's locked in with child locks, as he has a habit of winging the door open at inopportune times (like going 75 down the interstate or turning a corner).  So he's riding up front and I figure at the very least I can shove him out the door. We have to do this with a minimum of temper tantrums and defiance and a line 10 miles long (consisting of soccer moms and "normal" kids) behind us, blaring their horns as he tries to make a good decision about getting out of the car (while mommy shoves gently nudges him out into the world of middle school.  I am dreading this.  You remember middle school right?  Are you still scarred? God knows I am.  And we weren't "one of those kids" either and the bullying and hormones and the zits were pure torture.....I fear for my innocent child.

Now for the dreams. My dear friend, Sarah, has been home shopping.  Not on HSN but real house hunting.  I've been working surfing the real estate listings, looking at the houses and stuff and she sends me MLS numbers and I look at those. I also looked at houses in Richmond, Charlotte and Greensboro, cause those are my secret dream places to live (and I had time to kill, dreaming).  So I have house hunting on the brain. Last night as I drifted off into slumberland...I dreamt of houses, lots of houses, looking at houses.  The houses were bazaar to say the least, out of porportion, as you do when you dream. But the funny thing was, all the houses had a "drop-in."  What's a drop-in you ask (I can read your mind)?  Apparently it's a bathroom, that only has a sink in it!  So does that make it a 1/4 bath instead of a 1/2 bath?  But the realtors showing us the houses were all excited about the drop ins....."this family room has a drop-in" blah blah.  Then I woke up.  I honestly think the steroids went to my head..either that or I've stumbled upon on the next great architectural design of our times.  Not sure which.

Getting old sucks.

I'm off to the foot doctor today. Yes I'm officially old enough to need a foot doctor. 

No not bunions or corns.  Plantar fasciatis. Or however you spell it, google I'm too tired and lazy (too damn old) to do it for you.  I am limping around like a 50 yr old...oh wait.....

Running..

No, don't call the paramedics, I'm not taking up jogging anytime soon.  I wanted to talk about different kind of running.

The kind where you let yourself wallow in denial.  The kind where you pretend you haven't a care in the world. The kind where you buy yourself a $50,000 ring, because you can.  Even though you ask people for money...oh it goes to charity, but you do ask......

Yeah.  A friend of a friend has a child with MD.  He is five. A cute little boy in which the disease is ravaging his tiny body.  You know he won't be on the earthly plane as long as some of us or as long as he should be.  His mom makes a shit ton of money and dad stays home.  The kids are dad's world.  Mom has been a pretty good mom but apparently something has snapped and she has taken up running.  Not the kind that requires new tennis shoes (we all know she could buy the best too, several pairs!). The kind where you jet set all over the world, you're never home and when you are home, you spend all your time on your smart phone, doing dumb things, like Facebook. Oh and buying yourself expensive toys.  The kind where you ignore your dear friends and start partying with newer, more exciting friends. You rent them stretch limos and buy backstage tickets for 22 people.......so you don't have to be alone with your thoughts.  The horrible, evil thoughts that creep in when you're not partying and playing "life of the party" party gal.

You do this so you can ignore what's going on at home (two other children, a loving father and a little boy who is wasting away before your eyes).  You do this because you make a shit ton of money and you can throw it around and make everyone believe your life is perfect. 

But it's not and that's why you run. 

@$#*&%*#!!!!

Shit.  I spilled coffee all over my desk, keyboard and floor. 

See that $100 is working on me already

Hundred dollar bills ya'll

I found a hundred dollar bill on the floor yesterday at the Nebraska Furniture Mart! Who ever walks out of there a hundred dollars richer??

I am feeling guilty though. I thought we should turn it in to the security desk and hubby stuck it in his pocket. I kept thinking that the person who lost it might really really need it and here I am like a kid in the candy store (dancing around the washing machines like a gangsta just slipped it in my g string. And no I do not wear g strings and the washers did not appreciate my bump and grind....shorty did not get low low low low either....).  But then we decided the security desk would probably keep it anyhow.

So I didn't know what to do with the shame........so I put the benjamin in a mason jar on the top shelf of the cupboards.  I figure if my daughter needs to get a car, (long story but the ex took hers away this weekend) I'll give it to her. That way I'm not spending it on myself and thereby skipping the bad karma.  God knows I have enough bad karma already.......

Is it really all about the benjamins?

OK so the birthday wasn't so bad.

I had lunch with two of my fav BFF's.  I even ate a.......GASP.....dinner roll (and it was heaven). Although I launched an artichoke onto my bff and then the floor....long story but it's good to know I'm talented.

I got a rather large birthday cookie from my contracting company (it's the only time they come through let me tell you, although a pay raise would be nicer than a cookie and I wouldn't have to share with my co-workers) and some birthday wishes from the co-prisoners er workers and some guesses on how old I am.  I took the mid 30's and ran with it.........ROTFL.

Took the boy for his haircut. It was only a minor exorcism this time, no pea soup. 

Then of course Hu Hot with the girl and the boy.  And over to see the new puppies of the oldest boy and the girl.  They are cute but tons of work.  The cat is not impressed and sat in the back hallway, wishing us all an untimely and painful death, I could read it in his yellow eyes (might need another exorcism stat).

Got sniffed up and down by my two dogs when I got home, as I smelled of new puppies and a cat. (Who would pass up a wet dog nose stuck in your crotch?????  Apparently the big dog thought I hid these new puppies up in my errrr.......hu hah....like that's a good place to store puppies right?) And got some sweet cards from the boy and the hubby. 

I got over 103 birthday wishes on Facebook.  I feel part of the in crowd now.  I have friends!

So it wasn't a horrible birthday......I have to admit.