This has been a topic in our house for the past two weeks. I'm sure you all would like for me to move on, to get past it and get busy writing something interesting. Well I'm not quite there yet!
My Grandma's death has brought up the thoughts surrounding Alex's condition. For those of you who are fairly new, he has a primary immune deficiency. He was given a life expectancy of 10 yrs of age. Other doctors have said they wouldn't put a time limit on him, but that we will outlive him.
Harsh reality that is. I like to live in denial most days, but with my Grandma's passing, it's right up front, leaning on my already heavy heart. Some day, we will again be at the hospital, holding the hand of a dying person, with no hope of recovery, with tubes and machines and tons of doctors, asking God for one more day, knowing that each extra day means more suffering, going back and forth, up and down, watching the process of death. That person will be my child.
Hard to fathom that one. One too horrid to imagine, yet sometimes I do. How will it feel, how we will survive it? How do you make funeral arrangments for a child? How do you go on? Why go on? I let myself go there for a brief time and when it gets painful, I come to the land of denial. Denial is so much easier.
So in the process of letting my Grandma go... I too must process what may lay ahead for us.
Happy Easter!
9 years ago
3 comments:
Oh, I'm so, so sorry about all of this.
Death is never easy whether the person is young or old, whether the death is expected or sudden.
It hurts to let go of those we love.
We get up and go on because it is a tribute to those we have lost and because there are others here who still need us.
Thinking of you.
Rhonda, I'll be honest and tell you that I don't know what to say.
Life throws things at us and although we want to make it better, we can't always make it better. And we want to take the pain and hurt away, and we can't always take the pain away.
So I'll do the few things that I know I can do. I will lift you and your family in prayer, and as each day passes, I'll stand beside you and share your pain, your anxiety, and your concerns so you don't need to stand alone.
Much love and prayer!
I am sorry to hear about your grandmother's pasing. I can't imagine the fear that you are going through with your son. Your emotions must be so raw now. I read through your last several blogs and it looks like you have gone on quite an emotional roller coaster lately. You are wise to turn your thoughts and heart away from marinating in fear and pain. I do have to say that taking time to laught at Monty Python is a great relief. I remember seeing the movie "Wild Hogs" the day after receiving Sydney's diagnosis and laughing my tail off. It was a welcome release. So sing "Every Sperm is Sacred" at the top of your lungs! It is hilarious! Take care my friend and I will lift you and your family in prayer as well.
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