Happy Birthday Gpa! I’m
not sure what birthday it would be on earth, probably close to 100, if not
over. It’s been 20 yrs since you passed
over, which in and of itself seems impossible.
Yes and Grandma and Grandpa’s birthdays were one week apart.
We always celebrated on the Sunday in between.
I wonder if they liked the shared cake and the shared day? Of course
they never complained, they always poo poo’d the idea of us making a big deal,
but I know they enjoyed it, especially when I started having kids (the first
great-grandkids).
We always got Grandpa Cigarettes for his birthday. Seems odd
doesn’t it? He didn’t want for much, so
that’s what he wanted, until he had his heart attack that is. Then I can’t remember what we got. Probably a shirt here, candy there…..dinner
out. The usual grandpa stuff. I can hear
his laugh….see his devilish grin as he teased us…… I miss it.
Also this mid-week of tough birthdays, I lost my aunt
Dorothy to cancer. So it has been a
rough week. But in her passing she gave
me a gift. I wasn’t expecting it, but
those are the best gifts right?
I went into her funeral with my parents and my one brother,
wondering if I would hold it together.
With my grandparents birthdays, I had shed some tears during the week. I
have had some serious regret and pain over not being with my Grandma when she
passed. Over not be ALLOWED to be with
her and being in so much pain and denial during her dying that I couldn’t fight
my aunts, I didn’t fight back, I stayed away and in some sense, denied she was
dying. I think I would have imploded if
I had admitted it to myself fully.
So we get to the church and my aunt was laid out at the back
of the church. It was shocking to see her, so thin and frail. I hadn’t seen her since my parent’s
anniversary party, which was 18 months ago.
I cried a little tear and went to the back of the church. Soon the mass
started and we got to the pew. Her
youngest son wrote a wonderful eulogy, he really caught the essence of her, and
I had a few tears during that. Next came
the priest’s homily.
Now being a lapsed catholic, I tend to zone out during
these. Half the time, the priests don’t
even know the deceased and the other half they drone on and on about some bible
verse…….and I start to fade. And with recent developments in Rome, I feared a long, drawn out lesson on red,
Prada shoes if you catch my drift….
But this guy, he did a great job. He really knew my aunt and
my cousins. He did a beautiful job. I
really listened. And nothing about Rome.
Nice job. Father I didn’t catch your name.
Right at the end, he kind of stuttered and said “now if any of you
harbor any regrets, feel that maybe you didn’t say all you needed to, to
Dorothy, maybe you held some anger and you didn’t forgive her, rest assured she
is in a place of great forgiveness. And
if you feel she didn’t have a chance to say the things to you that she should
have, or should have forgiven you, rest assured, she has. And that goes for all
of you with loved ones who have passed on…”
WOW……………
It didn’t flow with what he had been talking about. He
seemed to have added it on at the last minute.
He ended with this……he seemed to have been talking right to me. I feel like my Aunt Dorothy gave me a gift
from Heaven right then and there……….probably along with my Grandma….even though
they weren’t the same side of the family, mind you. And my Grandma wasn’t a church goer to
boot!!! But I do feel it was a gift and
I accept it as such.
I have released the guilt surrounding my grandma’s
death. She does know I did the best I
could and that I loved her. I did
everything I could for her………….and that I loved her.
Thanks Aunt Dorothy! You knew just what I needed last week……
No comments:
Post a Comment