Hospice Hoedown

Earlier in the year, I felt a need to expand my horizons.  I was bored yet didn’t know what it was I wanted to do.  I hear about a site (volunteermatch.com) that you could type in your skillsets and it would match you up with volunteer opportunities.  Huh.   I have this mutt well trained dog and would like to do something with him, so I typed it in and voila…..up popped an opportunity to do pet therapy with a hospice group in town.

I have to admit, I had to think about it.  Hospice.  That’s a scary word.  Conjures up all kinds of horrors doesn’t it?  If anyone is reading this, you may have had a personal experience with hospice.  And when I say horrors, I don’t mean the volunteers or workers….I mean the circumstances requiring hospice….most people think cancer right away….I sure did.

So I sat on it for a few days. How did I feel about working with cancer patients..Particularly cancer patients in their final months of the disease?  Death and dying…PHEW!!! Heavy stuff that!

I decided that The Dog and I could handle this.  The Dog is certainly cut out for this work.  He loves people and he was trained for therapy.  I on the other hand would need some work! But I could do it!

So I filled out the online form and hit send.  Man, I got back a response pretty dang fast too!  I guess there is a shortage of pet therapy persons.  The Dog and I were on our way.

Soon I was in my training class.  It was a four hour deal, filled with videos and worksheets and donuts.  There were six of us and I was the only dog person (and I don’t think that was a reference to my looks or anything) in the class.  I soon learned that most of the patients are dementia patients and not cancer patients! See what happens when you assume! I do have a fear of nursing homes, so I was anxious about that part of it, but I finished the training the class and passed my online coursework too. Oh and we had to drug testing and some TB testing too!

Once all the testing was done, we got our assignments!  Woot! I got two right away.  It seems odd to be happy about hospice assignments…but if The Dog and I could help two people at the end of their lives, then we want to help! 

I was nervous I have to admit.  Both of my patients were in nursing homes.  I knew I would have to overcome that fear and move forward!  My first patient really helped with that.  B. (I cannot revel names at all) loves loves loves dogs!  She has dementia and end stage COPD.  She has three different dogs visiting her and it’s really all about the dogs, we humans are merely the chauffeurs! I loved her from the moment we walked in the room! I could tell she was hell on wheels in her prime too! My kind of gal!  She has taught me to live in the moment…..there is no false pretense….no Kim Kardashian….no airs…No designer this or that…just the love of dogs!  She makes me remember to appreciate my dogs, even if they potty in the guest bedroom, appreciate today for today and love life!  I love to go out and visit her, even if I’m a new person to her every Saturday!

My second lady was much more complicated.  She did not have dementia and knew she was dying. Gulp! This was would be a bit more in my face.  Out of my comfort zone fur sure!

My first visit with D. was just ok. She was sick and had been all week.  This would be a recurring theme throughout our relationship. I went with my coordinator, so she could introduce us and ease me into it.  Because frankly, I was scared sh*tless.  It was a short visit….hi! sorry you don’t feel well…see you in two weeks!  OK this wasn’t going to be easy.

We went back out two weeks later and she was feeling a bit better, but she still was not a cheerful person.  I know…I got it.  She was dying, sick and alone.  Her son moved her out here and then got transferred and left.  Some crazy lady with a dog was going to make it all better right?  Geez.  Bleeding heart…crazy dog lady….go pedal crazy someplace else.  But she did seem to like The Dog for a little while.  We talked about the weather (which sucked) and we talked about her pain (which sucked) and she liked my nails (which apparently didn’t suck).  We left.  Thank God I didn’t have to talk about death and dying!

The next visit I didn’t get off as easy.  She was still depressed and wasn’t feeling good.  She wanted to talk about where her stuff would go when she died. I choked.  Instead of realizing the importance of her question, I poo poo’d it and said oh they will take care of it.  That isn’t what I was taught to do!  I missed this important lesson until after she passed too.  Then it hit me square in the face….I should have talked to her more….asked more questions and let her social worker know that she was concerned about it.  But my primal fear got in the way.  We had a short visit this time round too…again she was sick.

I only visited several more times.  Her son was there during one visit.  He seemed like a nice man.  He threw out that she was depressed.  Well yeah…duh.  Guess I wouldn’t be friggin’ happy either considering……but there ya go.  Another lesson for me……we all handle grief and death differently.

The last time I saw her, she was a mess. Honestly.  D. was always put together, I will give her that. Her wig was on; she was dressed nicely, had matching jewelry and would tell me she loved to shop.  This last visit, her bottom teeth weren’t in, she had something all down the front of her shirt and her wig was on crooked.  She was out of it.  I asked her how she was doing and she said she was tired and wanted to go back to bed but they made her get up. She wanted her teeth.  Then she fell asleep in her chair. The Dog lay down at her feet and was quietly breathing in time with her. I sat quietly with her too. Then we quietly got up and left.  That was the last time I saw her.

 

When it was time for our next visit, I contacted my coordinator to see if we should go out and she told me that D. was bedridden but could still hear. She thought it would be nice if we went out to say goodbye.  I was definitely nervous about that….I usually went out there and knocked on the door and waited for her to answer.  That wasn’t going to happen. So do I go find staff or what? Ugh.  I’m so green….but I was worrying for nothing…..the coordinator called me 30 minutes later to say she had just passed.  I said “Oh that’s too bad” and she paused and said “Uhhhh…”  Oooppps….another faux pas.  In hospice…passing isn’t “too bad” it’s a natural course of action.

So D. taught me some good first lessons as well.  She taught me the hard ones.  I learned that she was the type of person who didn’t want people around during this time and she had pushed her family away during her last days.  I had wondered about that.  I thought she didn’t like the dog visits much to tell the truth I had been questioning it.  Now I knew

. 

We need to listen to our patients. Take our queues from them.  We aren’t to judge or push our beliefs on them.  Don’t poo poo their concerns or say Oh no you’re going to be around for a long time!  Holy cow they’re in hospice for a reason!!!

 

I also have to go easy on myself.  I am new and learning. I am compassionate and caring.  And I am uncomfortable. It will take some time to get the hang of it.  And every patient is different, their family members will be different.

 

I am grateful to D for allowing me into her life and her death.  I know her pain is gone and she is in a better place now.  Her illness was a tough one and she handled it her way and the best she could.  That’s all we could ask for. 

Seems like we won't get a new patient for a while.  Which is a good thing.  I am not wishing for another person to die.....We will keep seeing B.  I just love her.  Her passing will be hard.  It will be another new lesson on this journey of volunteering.