So we're all deciding which ones to order etc. Well me in my infinite wisdom and decorating flair, decided I wanted a collage frame. A big one to hang over the loveseat in the family room. Loveseat, Family Room, Family Pictures, it all goes together...right? I'm brillant (mental note, apply for America's Next Top Designer show on HGTV). So let the hunt begin. I do this very methodically. Get the frame first, then the pics sized to match the frame. Cool huh? Welllll......lemme tell you....these collage frames are the spawns of Satan.
Since there are 11 of us in alot of the photos, we're mostly positioned landscape. Alot of the frames have mostly portrait arranged slots. I was thinking of having my mom and dad's shot in 8x10 and the others in various smaller sizes around it. There again, most were arranged portrait and not landscape. WUGH. I was dizzy with sizes and arrangements and blah blah.
On Friday I headed up to Gordmans. Got off work a bit early and had to time shop. Lo and Behold! A miracle at last! A big beautfiul frame, mostly landscape with an 8x10, 2 5x7's 4 6x4's and 3 4x4's. I'm in heaven! It's even green which matches the family room. I hug this big ole frame as I
I get it home and lug it in the house. Still beaming with pleasure and pride, I immediately take a picture of it to send my mom, who will weep with jealousy when she sees it........after all it is the PERFECT collage frame. Until...............I measure the small cutouts...............
I am in shock. I must not have measured right. This can't be happening to me. The room spins and I measure 2 more times.......rulers don't lie (unless they're Bin Laden or Obama) the small windows are 3.5x3.5 not 4x4's!!!! WTF???? I dash down to surf the interweb. To my horror, no one, but no one, prints photos out in 3.5x3.5!! Not Kinko's, not Snapfish, Not Shutterfly. Nope not even the print shop in North Korea could help a sistah out.
I surfed for an hour and went up and re-measured yet again. Nope- still 3.5x3.5. I cried. Seriously. I cried like a child who's lollipop was stolen by the mean ole creepy clown at the circus. My ultimate in decorating planning was shot to hell. I couldn't go on. I was crushed. I sobbed - I had hoped that tear stained, swollen eyes would somehow grow those 3 slots a 1/2 inch bigger all the way around...something, anything. I stomped my foot, I called the frame a dirty rotten whore and a sonofabitch......but really all that did was make the dogs cower behind the chair....
So this morning, defeated, I took it back to the store. I told it I was sad and disappointed in it. It let me down. I had dreams......and those dreams now lay shattered in the back seat. My shoulders hunched and my head hung down. The sales clerk added insult to injury by reminding me I had gotten 15% off and she'd have to take that into account. Ok fine whatever........charge me for being a failure..go ahead.
I decided to head to Bed, Bath and Beyond. I saw some frames online and wanted to see them up close and personal. I have to say, our store in town is a dump. What a mess. I bet the store in Joplin Missouri looked better after the tornado than this one does right now. Yish. Anyhow, this is the frame set I settled upon. Yeah it's kewl and all, but guess what? No one friggin prints 4x4's or 6x6's. Goddammit. What is wrong with you framing people? Do the same people who put 8 hot dogs and 12 hot dog buns in a package design collage frames? Is this a conspiracy? Is decorating this hard for anyone else or is it me?????
I found Zazzle online and they allow custom print sizes. We'll see if the two I selected will print decent. If they don't, I swear I am getting scotch tape and putting them all up on the refrigerator door...screw it!
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